I am too much.

I care too much, I feel too much, I try too much. Being too much is just part of my personality at this point - there isn't anything that I do with minimal or an average amount of effort. I'm always the person putting in the extra mile - whether that's in a friendship, at work, in classes, or in a relationship. Being too much is just....me.

I used to think that being too much was a good thing. I used to think people would admire my good work ethic and would be proud to have a friend like me, always willing to spend time together and be a shoulder to cry on. However, this isn't the case. Being too much has ruined damn near everything in my life.

I've ruined relationships because I'm clingy and I rush into things. Apparently caring from the get-go and wanting with every ounce of your being for things to work out isn't normal. I've ruined friendships because not having that mutual, too much personality makes me feel underappreciated and unwanted, leading me to distance myself and eventually completely cut myself off. My big heart and feeling too much tears things apart, and I have little to no control of it.

I thought I'd be a good employee because I'd always give my work 100%, but in the grand scheme of things, being too much in a workplace can mess your sanity up. I spend hours, days, weeks even stressing over workplace situations that the normal employee wouldn't stress over for more than a few minutes. I have no work-life balance because caring too much has me constantly thinking about ways in which I could be better. Call it a perfectionist, call it overthinking, I find it to be a too much of a combination of it all.

You'd think with how many nights my mind has sent me to tears over feeling too much and being too much I'd change, but this isn't much of my control. My heart on my sleeve is bursting with ways to help and to give, but in a society that is always doing as little as they can, my heart is being worn to its end.