For as long as I can remember I've been shy. When I was younger, I used to ask my parents to make friends for me on the playground or at parties where I didn't know anyone else. I was never someone who could insert themselves into a group or feel at ease in a crowd. I had, until fairly recently, labeled myself an introvert.

My AP Psychology class in high school was the first time I learned the difference between introverts and extroverts. I had always identified them as "shy" and "outgoing". In this psych class, however, I learned that there is such thing as a shy extrovert and an outgoing introvert. Introverts can have lots of friends and be sociable. Extroverts can maintain a small friend group and be soft-spoken.

Of course, I still continued to view myself as an introvert, because who just up and changes 18 years worth of self-reflection?

It wasn't until a few months ago that I began to question that label. I was in a therapy session working through all the times I had felt excluded or forgotten, and how those related to my desire to feel exceptional and noticed. My therapist, in an offhand way, remarked, "You know, I think you might be an extrovert."

I sort of laughed at her, in that way that's like, "Is this a joke? This must be a joke." How could I, the shyest human on the face of the Earth, be an extrovert. "Um, but I'm shy," was my brilliant response.

Then she dove into all these questions about how I felt when I was alone versus when I was in a group of friends. She asked about my friendships as a child, my friendships now, and what I valued about them. She asked how it felt when I was excluded or when I saw other people being social.

The basic conclusion we came to is this: I am an extrovert. An extrovert gets their energy from being in the company of others. They feel recharged when they are around others and they feel most comfortable in the presence of others. Being alone for too long makes them feel drained. An introvert feels recharged and nourished when they spend time with themselves and gets easily tired out by large groups or excessive interaction.

Being shy and being an extrovert are not mutually exclusive characteristics. I know I am an extrovert because when I am alone I start to ruminate, I feel lethargic and often unmotivated, and if it is persistent, sometimes triggers my depression. When I am with family and friends, or a member of a community, I feel productive, positive, and invigorated.

I am shy but that isn't because I don't want to be around people. In fact, I wish I could be more open with people! Being alone is one of my least favorite things in the world, but due to other personal tendencies like my fear of judgment or loss, I tend to isolate when faced with unfamiliar people.

My shyness is not a personality trait; it's a coping mechanism that protects me from what I perceive as judgment and rejection. The more I get to know someone, the more I let my guard down and the easier it is to be around them and be close with them. I feel safest when I am with familiar people.

I thrive on human connection and interaction. I feel most content when I am around people that I know and love. I become attached to others quickly and I am maybe too comfortable with the people I am close to. For me, however, I need someone else to reach out first and initiate that conversation. I can not be the facilitator of a relationship, but I will throw myself into one fully if it presents itself to me.

I'm still figuring out what it means to be shy and to also be an extrovert. I know that it means I have to put in extra effort to reach out to people so that I don't spend too much time alone. I know that I have to recognize that my shyness can come off as coldness, and people not reaching out might be due to them perceiving this. I know that I will not be open to new people immediately, but that is not the same as wanting to be alone.

I thought I was an introvert for most of my young life. Really, I'm just an extrovert who needs a little help putting myself out there.