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Health and Wellness

I'm Actually Really Afraid To Start HRT, But I'm Way More Excited Than Afraid

I have every right to be scared, I'm changing every part of my life with one shot.

Cas Barbour

Mar 11, 2019

LGBTQ+ at Odyssey

287

I'm Actually Really Afraid To Start HRT, But I'm Way More Excited Than Afraid

neutrois.files.wordpress.com

I have had the same body for almost 20 years now, for almost 20 years I have known that this body is not mine and I don't like the way it looks or feels. For years I have wanted to change everything about my body so that it could be more like who I truly am on the inside- a guy. Once I learned what HRT (hormone replacement therapy) was, I felt overjoyed. I knew that HRT was the path that I needed to go down, it would allow me to become who I truly am. However, now that I'm close to starting testosterone- I'm starting to get really scared of all of the changes that are going to happen to me.

Like I said, I've had my body for almost 20 years, I know what this body looks and feels like and with one shot all of that is going to change. It is starting to hit me that this body and this life of mine is going to "die" once I start hormones, I'll be a completely different person in appearance but I will always be the same guy on the inside. More than anything, I'm worried about my family. I'm not out to all of my family and I know that once I start hormones they'll be able to tell that something is different about me. I'm terrified of them noticing the changes that I go through, but I can't wait any longer to start hormones.

I'm terrified to lose the body that I've grown used to, it's not one that I love or cherish but it's one that I have seen every single day. I'm terrified of my family seeing their little girl become a man. Above all, I'm terrified of losing myself if I don't start hormones. My life is to the point now where I have to change things because I am in so much mental and emotional pain that if I don't start HRT soon, I will lose myself. I know that starting HRT is the right choice for me no matter how much it scares me. I am terrified to start hormones, but I am thrilled that I get to live this new life as the man that I was born to be.

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I'm Actually Really Afraid To Start HRT, But I'm Way More Excited Than Afraid

I have every right to be scared, I'm changing every part of my life with one shot.

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Who knows where we would be without them.

1. Thank you for laughing at my jokes, even when they really aren’t funny.

2. Thank you for singing unbearably loud with me all the time.

3. Thank you for letting me vent to you for hours about anything and basically being my personal therapist.

4. Thank you for ordering pizza with me at 2 in the morning.

5. Thank you for all the movie days when we don’t feel like moving.

6. Thank you for being my workout buddy everyday.

7. Thank you for sharing your closets with me.

8. Thank you for taking naps with me at random hours during the day.

9. Thank you for cleaning our home with me when we absolutely need to.

10. Thank you for all the rides when it’s late and you don’t want me to walk home alone in the dark.

11. Thank you for studying with me in our kitchen when we didn't want to go the library.

12. Thank you for making dinner with me.

13. Thank you for helping with my hair, makeup and outfit every time we go out.

14. Thank you for taking countless ugly pictures with me.

15. Thank you for not judging me when I go too long without showering.

16. Thank you for making our apartment feel like a second home.

17. Thank you for being there through all of our boy troubles.

18. Thank you for giving me a hug when I feel homesick.

19. Thank you for getting excited with me when one of us gets a good grade on an exam.

20. Thank you for still being my friend and not judging me when I say or do dumb things.

21. Thank you for telling me what I should do when I am sick.

22. Thank you for dancing horribly with me everywhere we go.

23. Thank you for staying up super late with me when we aren’t tired or can’t sleep.

24. Thank you for being super weird with me.

25. Thank you for all the unforgettable college memories.

26. And most of all, thank you for being the best friends a girl could have.

I may or may not be stressing right now.

1. "What do I have to study for?"

2. "What class do I need to study for the most?"

3. "I’m going to ace this."

4. "Focus!"

5."I have no idea what I'm reading."

6. "I should call my smart friend about this."

7. "I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail."

8. "I’m dropping out of school."

9. "What grade do I have to get on the final to pass the class?"

10. "Oh, no, I have to do good."

11. "I shouldn’t have procrastinated all semester."

12. "I wanna go to bed."

13. "We did not learn this!"

14. "I should go get food."

15. "Why do we even have finals?"

16. "I don’t want to be at the library."

17. "Get off your phone."

18. "I can watch Netflix for like 20 minutes and then go back to studying."

19. "I shouldn’t have watched Netflix."

20. "You have to study now!"

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

Remember you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine. — Snow White

The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it. — Rafiki

You don't have time to be timid. You must be bold and daring. — Lumière

If watching is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya. — Laverne

Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one. — Grandmother Willow

Always let your conscience be your guide. — Jiminy Cricket

To infinity and beyond. — Buzz Lightyear

Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved. — Pooh

Let it go. — Elsa

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all. — Thumper

Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories. — Genie

It's a time of love, family, memory-making, and gift-giving. But also a time of stressing over the perfect gift.

Money

Socks

Blankets

Gift Cards

Hoodies and Sweatpants

Pajamas

Candles

A Fish

CDs

Movie Tickets

Candy

Gag Gifts

Dollar Shave Club

A Stocking of Toys

Stationary

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