As a teacher, I am constantly monitoring the students, listening to their conversations. A groups of girls from 3 to 5, sit at the same table every day, gossiping with one another. Every day, it’s the same problem with them. The other teachers have these girls labeled as, “the sweetest girls in school,” and the girls know it.

“She doesn’t want to be my friend anymore!” “She won’t play with me!” ‘She hurt my feelings!” Now, after months and months of this, I decided to investigate. I began listening to their conversations. Watching the way that they interacted with one another. I was shocked at what I found.

These girls talked behind one another’s backs, telling each other sweet things to their face, and mean things behind their backs, changing friendships and allegiances throughout the day, exiling girls from their group one day, loving them the next. To me, the girls seemed to be acting like televised high school mean girls.

I couldn’t believe that these girls were acting this way towards one another. I wasn’t sure if these girls were acting typically for their developmental levels, if it was just a phase, or if they were actually becoming mean girls.

I’d like to blame the media and society for this trend amongst young children, but instead of placing blame, I choose to believe that these girls will one day grow out of their “mean girl phase” and into women who will be kind to one another.

Yet, I still can’t help but wonder, how young do girls become mean girls? Is it possible for young children to truly understand the cause and effect of their actions? To manipulate one another into getting what they want?

From a teacher stance, these children are still developing and don’t entirely understand the consequences of their words and actions. They are learning that when I tell her I don’t like her it makes her sad. At this age, they can only see things from their point of view. It is up to the teachers to help the children to see the other child’s perspective, and show them the cause and effect that their actions have.

Knowing this, I think it is safe to say that becoming a mean girl starts at a young age, and that some girls grow out of it, while others do not. This is all stemmed from the social interactions and teachings that young girls have as children. If children are not taught how to be kind and respectful of others, how can we expect them to grow out of their mean girl phase?

Through discussions with young girls, we can help them to learn the cause and effects that their words and actions have, and we can teach them to show empathy and kindness for others.