Do you ever have memories of things that should be insignificant, but for some reason, are imprinted in your mind, down to the last detail?
One of my most vivid memories, one I'll never forget even though it happened years ago, is being at a restaurant waiting at the front counter for my food, and seeing a man and a child come in and walk to the register. What initially caught my eye about this what I'm assuming was a father-son pair, was that the man was screaming. I'm talking loud and unnecessary screaming, into his phone.
Now, I work in retail, and I come from a rather loud family who regularly yells at the TV during football season. In other words, I'm used to yelling. I thought nothing of this, even when I heard the context on the conversation. From what I gathered, he was sharing this argument with the child's mother. I'm not new to that either, I have divorced parents and so do most of the people in my life.
What really got my attention about this situation unfolding before me was that this kid, who couldn't have been more than six or seven years old, was ordering his food with tears streaming down his face. Not just a few stray tears, but the kind that happens when the dam breaks and there's nothing stopping the flood. All the sudden, the man hands the phone over to the child, who is so overcome with tears that he can barely speak. While still on the phone, the kid mumbles something to the man, something I didn't hear, and the man replies that he's too young to understand.
By then, my food was ready and I took it and sat down, not staying to watch the situation play out. But that moment never left me.
Another one of these moments happened in a Kohl's dressing room, where a mother told her daughter, who was probably around 11 or 12, that her "belly is too big for that dress" and that they should try a different store. I watched this little girl's face drop and as someone who has struggled with body image my entire life, my heart hurt for what thoughts must have been running through her head.
Another instance, just a couple weeks ago, a man telling the preschool-aged boy with him that he can't get the light purple shirt he picked out because "purple is a girl color."
Now it may just seem like I'm reliving sad moments I've witnessed for fun, but I promise there's a point.
The point is, we have to change the way we talk to children.
As a kid, my weight was constantly pointed out to me. Sometimes by family, sometimes by friends, sometimes by complete strangers. Because of it, I grew up extremely self-conscious and my self-esteem level plummeted.
Kids are smarter, more observant, and more susceptible than we think.
When kids are pushed to the background or told that they can't do something or wear something or be something because of BS societal standards, then they'll grow up second-guessing themselves and every decision they make. They'll grow up thinking that their opinions don't carry any weight.
Let boys wear purple shirts.
Let girls decide for themselves if clothing looks good on them or not.
Tell your kids that they're important, that they're strong, that they're capable, that you love them.
Teach kids the importance of consent.
Tell girls that they belong to no one but themselves.
Tell boys that girls don't owe them anything.
Don't call kids fat. Don't call them stupid. Don't tell them that they're too young to understand things just because you don't want to explain something to them for fear of being seen as the bad guy. Guide kids. Empower them. Let them use their voices. Let them know that their words matter and that you're listening.
Kids are so easily influenced and molded and they will grow up thinking that your word is law. They will make your opinions their opinions and what you say to them will stay with them for most of their lives, so make it count.
