School for some of us has already started, while some are just getting to packing. One thing that is the same is we will all hear the same question, “How was your summer?” And in that second we will come up with an answer. We all know the question is coming, but we still never prepare for it. “Good,” we respond. This is not just a summer thing; people ask, “How’s it going?” and we respond, “Good.” We think, “They don’t care about my day; I’m just passing them on the way to class.”
We overuse the question to a point where people might not actually care about the other person, it is just meant to fill some space, as a casual, in passing greeting. There are so many ways to answer this question from one word answers to full in detail responses, but the question is the same. We don’t want to be embarrassed by giving the wrong type of answer because many times we get the response, “I didn’t want your life story!” But how do we differentiate between those two different meanings of the same question?
How many times a day do you ask the question? How many times would you be fine with an answer like, “Well, it’s not going too well because I didn't do too well on the test I took last week, but I did well on a paper. I have a lot going on today, so I am exhausted and I stayed up way too late doing homework for my 8 AM that I didn't wake up for, and we had a quiz today.” I don’t think that is quite an in passing answer. That would be shortened to, “It’s going,” or worse: “Meh.”
We use these questions, specifically “How was your summer?” as time filler, as something to pass time, as an introduction. When we ask about someone's day, we don’t ask because we want to help fix the person’s day if it is bad, we ask to just ask. When someone asks “How was your day?” and really means it, they listen to everything you have to say. They ask follow up questions. They add comments. You discuss. You reciprocate. You understand. You converse. It goes from a filler, to a conversation starter. You branch off and start having conversations about things you did through your day. The question morphs from a conversation starter, to the conversation itself. It strengthens relationships, reveals new traits. It is a powerful question. Why use such a powerful question in everyday life?
Now I am not calling for a cease-fire on asking how people are doing. But, think, “How much do I ask ‘How are you doing?’” and then, “Do I expect a longer answer than ‘Good?’” Let’s try to bring back the meaning of these questions and not just ask for the sake of asking. Let’s build relationships using powerful questions and making meaningful conversations, but first we have to reclaim that powerful question.
