Being a naturally quiet person, I always felt like an outsider. If I am feeling up to it and I am well rested, I will got to a party if there is at least one person I know, but I will be tempted to leave early and most likely without saying goodbye. Unless someone catches me leaving, and I will be forced into the awkward round of goodbyes. Once I get home, I will drink some tea and watch Netflix. If I am not well rested and am feeling peopled out, I will go straight home. And I know of people who think it's weird — even rude — that I would leave a party without saying goodbye. Of course, a big reason is that the world is catered to talkative people.
Don't deny it. Many cultures are not kind to naturally quiet people. I remember in fifth grade my teacher's main complaint was that she wanted me to participate more. But she also thought I was brilliant because I could read four to five books at once and still do well on tests about the books. That went away when it was revealed that I was terrible at math. In freshman year of high school, I remember trying to change myself and force myself to be a more talkative person. In the end, I found out people didn't care either way. So I took the long and winding road toward self acceptance.
What? There's a name for this? Yes, if you are naturally quiet, you are likely to be an introvert. If you are naturally talkative, you're probably an extrovert. Introverts gain their energy from being alone or with a few close friends. Extroverts get their energy from being around a ton of people or friends. How your brain processes stimulation dictates whether you're an introvert or extrovert. Which we will get into later. Introverts are described as quiet, antisocial, boring, weird or shy. Extroverts are described as assertive, leaders or "a people person." If you're still not sure, you can take this quiz
How to piss us off
Say, "it spoke" every time we make a point. Still the number one statement that has and will always piss me off.
Try to change us. It took me years for me to accept my introverted personality. I definitely don't need people who think they know what's best for me to try to change me. Especially when they can just accept my lifestyle, which is so much easier.
However I think introverts should know to fake being an extrovert for just a little while and for situations like job interviews or the first day of a new semester and the teacher wants to go around the room and say their names and something about themselves or, even worse, icebreaker games *shudder.* It's a hard pill to swallow for introverts, but extroverts are what's accepted in society. If you, for example, don't realize that your interviewer for your dream job is attempting to make small talk, you may be seen as cold, too serious or a plethora of other horrible adjectives. You have to fake it 'til you make it. I was once told by a teacher in high school that I have no personality. I still cringe every time I think about it.
Saying, "Why are you so quiet?" Or one of the following variations, "Why are you so antisocial?" Being called antisocial is the worst. "Why don't you ever talk?" For the longest time, I didn't know how to answer any of those questions. I still don't even know why people feel it's any of their business. But if you are not sure what to say, I usually answer with, "Why are you so loud?" Or being in school again and hearing the words, "I can't hear her/him!" Well probably because you're talking. Here are other ways you can piss off introverts.
Myths of introverts
There are many, many myths of introverts. The most popular one is that we are shy. The difference between shy people and introverts is that shy people don't want to be left alone while introverts do. In fact, we love alone time.
Introverts are rude.
Introverts don't like to talk unless they have something to say. They spend a lot of time thinking and contemplating their thoughts rather than blurting out a jumble of words.
Introverts don't like people.
Most introverts can count the number of friends they have on one hand. If you are lucky enough to get an introvert to consider you a friend, then you will have an intensely loyal friend.
Introverts can fix themselves.
Completely not true. How our brain handles stimulation is what sets introverts apart. As you can see in the picture introverts and extroverts process stimulation differently, the acetylcholine pathway is much longer than the dopamine pathway for extroverts. This shows that introverts simply can not fix themselves.
How to love us
The biggest thing to remember is respect our lifestyle. Don't try to change us and do your best to not offend us.
This is especially true for parents of young, introverted children. When introverts are this young, they have no idea that the world does not accept them. They are your child, and they should never feel there is something with them. Instead focus on the good qualities of introverts. Like how most introverts are brilliant or that introverts are caring, thoughtful people. You can also help your child how to deal with being on the spot when they're in class. I have horrific memories of my young self being called on by the teacher and not knowing what to say. Help them so there school experience is less catastrophic. Here are more tips if you're interested.
http://sengifted.org/archives/articles/tips-for-pa...
Don't take our need for solitude personally. It doesn't mean we don't love and care about you. I am sure many introverts were looking forward to a quiet evening at home but changed their schedule because a friend needed them. Our thirst for solitude is vital to our health and happiness, and it's important you understand that.
If you want us to open up, don't push us too hard for answers. Especially not immediate answers. We take time to process things.
Stuff to do with your introverted friends
Remember that introverts don't like big crowds. If you decide to do any of these activities with your introverted friends, make sure to keep the group number small and with just close friends.
Go to plays or the theater, stargazing (as an introvert this is my favorite activity), go to movies, listening to the rain get together to watch episodes of favorite shows, go to coffee shops or tea houses, work out together, same as go for runs or walks together, meditate together, build blanket forts or going for hikes are a few ideas. If you plan on staying in for the night, here are ideas for what to do. If you're staying in for the night and plan on watching Netflix, I advise you to keep the commentary down to a minimum. We can discuss the episode after its done.
It's OK to be an introvert; it's OK to be an extrovert.
We can't build a good representation of introverts by tearing down extroverts. That won't work and will never work. Introverts have good and bad qualities about them. Just like how extroverts have good and bad qualities together. If we respect each other, the world will be a lot better and all around just happier.
How to interact with introverts
Introverts like interaction in short doses. When talking to an introvert, say hello or good morning to show you approve of their presence. It's important introverts feel welcome. They won't waste their energy or time on someone who doesn't like them. Then let them go back to what they were doing. This shows your open to interaction but won't push them. If you have something important or interesting to say, feel free to mention it. Don't press for gossip though. And that's it!
We all have at least a few introverted friends, from an introvert this is the best way to understand them. But the number one way to show your support for them is to be respectful of them. If you want to know more about introverts, I highly recommend this book.
