Oh boy.

Where do I even begin?

I'm gonna assume everyone reading this feels the same way as me and was not only influenced by the book and movie series "The Twilight Saga" by Stephenie Meyer, but was also obsessed with the series during the magical years of 2008-2011 (or earlier if you were a real fan and stanned before the movies even began, which if that's your case, then congrats ???)

In my case, on my 11^th birthday my out of touch Aunt took me to Wal-Mart to buy me something as a present, and we walked out with a copy of the 544-page paperback.

I remember sitting on my kitchen floor as my mom cooked a birthday dinner for me, actively reading and devouring (heh) the novel. It thoroughly encapsulated my newly 11-year-old brain. It had drama, passion, angst, and the perfect amount of spookiness for a kid who thought "Coraline" was LIT.

I finished the book in a week and spent my birthday check from gramma on a copy of the DVD. And in the blink of an eye, and a flip of my Bieber bangs, I was a hard Team Edward.

By the time "New Moon" rolled around in theatres, I was fully present with a friend (and her mom) as we waited in line for the midnight premiere at our local movie theatre.

I had dark, broody posters of the cast on my wall, and cut outs from magazines of Robert Pattinson—only a few though; I had to act like I was into it for Bella.

And yet, by the time the movie version of "Eclipse" came out, I only cared enough to watch it on Paperview once it was out of theatres. And by the time the final film was out, I didn't have half a mind to see it unless it was ironically.

Everyone slowly grew up and realized the films were stupid and the books were even worse. Suddenly it became this thing that everyone joked about as Rob and Taylor were moved to the back of the Tiger Beat magazines and the lights came on in the Hot Topic.

Okay jump to 2018; I'm a junior in college and don't have flippy hair and besides taking a Vampires in Literature class (being an undeclared freshman is a weird time, henny) "Twilight" wasn't really a part of my life anymore.

Or so I thought *dun, dUN, DUNNNN*

Last week, me and my roommates decided to watch "Twilight" out of pure boredom—and one too many Coronas.

It was exactly like we remembered it—ridiculous, filmed in a weird blueish filter, and a very low budget. And yet it was still fucking entertaining.

It really hit me why I was captivated by this story at such a young age.

This new pasty bitch flies in and immediately gets the attention of the hottest boy in the whole damn town AND he just happens to be a mysterioso vampire. It's still lowkey an ideal situation.

I found myself feeling the same way about Bella and Edward that I did in 7^th grade; I wanted to be her and wanted him.

That's when I realized the effect that this damn movie has had on me.

After finishing the first movie, I picked up on some things that were more obvious. For example, how the series makes gloomy boys with thick stares seem dateable, as well as glamorizing high school relationships to a level that I was shocked when my eventual high school 1-month relationship didn't end with him saying he didn't want to live without me (instead he said, "you need to find someone who can actually love you" –high school amiright?)

But, these are all things we kinda knew though. Most literature and media paints angsty, dark eyed boys as desirable and the bumbling white bitch as a relatable archetype. Of course it has infiltrated our psyches by way of how we perceive the world around us, and more specifically, the partners we are attracted to.

But, I guess we weren't that upset with the movie since it didn't stop us from watching "New Moon" the night after with much more alcohol.

And yet, all those drinks couldn't stop me from being floored by how much of an @ this whole movie was and I am still wondering what I did to deserve this.

Let me start by saying that most of my beef with the series comes from this movie because this was the one that had the most hype during my peak "Twilight" experience and was the movie that I watched the most as a kid.

So with that in mind, let me break down some of the shit that goes on in this hot mess and let me know if it sounds familiar to any of your own antics.

Okay so, Bella starts the movie high on Edward's love and it looks like all her friends are just like whatever we accept you back in our squad, so the movie starts on a nice note with a "Deathcab for Cutie" song as the opener.

And then Edward breaks up with Bella. For her safety. Which is like...valid.

But this destroys Bella. Like she has never experienced any type of trauma in her life, clearly, because this bitch is waking up in the middle of the night screaming like some type of Mom whose son is the subject of a true crime doc—not to say that break ups aren't hard, it's just like we've all been there.

There's this shot of her where the camera does one big circle around her pale face as she sits, looking out her bedroom window, and all the seasons change as the months keep progressing, and our lil Bella can NOT hang. And the entire time this scene was happening, not only did I think, "Wow they're portraying depression in a much more realistic way than '13 Reasons Why,'" but also that we should fucking hate Stephenie Meyer for doing this.

This Mormon woman decides one day to sit down and write a book about vampires that becomes a national best seller and she didn't stop to think about what kind of message she was sending and how her main audience is impressionable af.

Granted, there are a lot of YA fiction books out there and not all of them can be "Harry Potter" and there are many that are arguably more problematic than "Twilight," but few books have gone on to the type of success that Meyer's series has endured. Because of that I think we should hold her accountable for the fuckass shit she included in this book.

In the past, the series has gotten a lot of flak for honestly the wrong reasons. It has been called everything from "anti-religion" to "brimming with thick religious undertones." Many have even cited the sexual undertones of the story as problematic, but you can say the same thing about a million other Young Adult books out there. Especially during that period of time after the series boomed where most YA fiction just kinda became like weird variations of "Twilight" (remember that, guys?).

Personally, I'm really fucked up because I feel effected by Stephenie Meyer's stupidity and general lack of writing ability.

I read this whole series in between the ages of 11 and 12 and it was not only one of the first book series that I really felt connected to ("Harry Potter" was too thick and "Percy Jackson" was for virgins, gimme a break.) This was kind of my first real exposure to what relationships were like and how we should act within the world.

Growing up, I remember modeling a lot of my behavior and general attitude about things from my older brother and the other teenagers in my life that existed with a more experienced outlook on life. That was the perfect pessimistic attitude that would later go on to inspire so many Tumblr users to glorify depression so heavily and is part of the reason why "Twilight" has existed with so much success.

"Twilight" was just cool as fuck—to like a 6^th grader.

I couldn't pick up on the long boring paragraphs of Bella complaining about anything under the sun, so I obviously wasn't going to see the problematic nature of Bella and Edward's relationship and the awkward situation they put Charlie in (fucking save Charlie pls).

Just as an example of something I blocked out as a 6^th grader that I was shocked by upon my viewing recently—oh boy, honestly let me just take you there:

So, Edward is gone. He's been gone for a hot minute and Bella is still not doing good, but Charlie suggests she branches out and hangs with Anna Kendrick (also SAVE Anna Kendrick FAST) who Bella straight up hasn't said a word to since like the volleyball scene in the first movie. But, they go out to Port Angeles together and catch a late night flick.

And they're leaving the movie and no one is really enjoying themselves, and then Bella spots some biker dudes that trigger her memories of the last time she came to Port Angeles with Anna Kendrick when she almost got assaulted in an alley by some men before Edward came in and saved the day.

And so fucking Bella decides that the only way she can see Edward again is to do some reckless shit and go hang with the biker brahs—you know, just like logical post-breakup thoughts and inspiring words of advice for 13 year olds?

So, she saddles up on the bike of one of the mans who isn't even like a fun James Dean type and is like straight up from Lana Del Rey's "Ride" video—the one where she kinda glorifies prostitution (yikes, we'll tackle Lana later on another episode of things that I didn't know would later in life affect my perceptions of men and relationships).

And of course Edward comes to her in her head and tells her to stop and so she decides that if she does some rough, dangerous shit then Edward will pop up and be like "Hey cut it out."

Which, maybe you've never cliff jumped or risked abduction after you've had your heart broken, but don't tell me you haven't at least thought about doing something that would make your Ex worried for you and maybe send you a damn text. Or maybe you're out here posting a sexy ass, hand crafted Insta Story that is basically all for him and checking it every 3 minutes to see if he's viewed it.

Whatever your shit is, it all comes back to "Twilight" even if you weren't a Twi-hard growing up. Everyone has their thing that influenced their perceptions at a young age and set an unrealistic standard of life and relationships whether it's real or fictional.

It's just a damn shame mine was produced by a terrible Mormon woman who used her book to fund anti-LGBT groups through the Mormon church.

But yeah I could go on and on about how this story is problematic and how it places a lot of emphasis on marriage and finding "The One" at a young age that makes you feel as if you'd rather die than be without them—because that's what a 12-year-old needs to be concerned with right? But, I'm gonna cut it short because we all understand. Everyone is very aware of how dumb and flawed this series is, so just ask Robert Pattinson.

But don't let that stop you from viewing these movies again because once I accepted the fucked up parts that have stuck with me, I was really enjoying watching these movies.

It became the best part of me and my roommates' respective days and we didn't really know what to do with ourselves once we finished the final film.

So, I highly recommend you watch these clusterfucks (find them for free somehow—don't fucking support them anymore) and laugh and cry about all the different conflicted feelings you feel for these pieces of American history that we had the pleasure of experiencing.

Also Kristen Stewart deserves a redemption! Save her. :(