From frat boys, to middle schoolers, to military veterans, toxic masculinity plays a role in every man's life. Toxic masculinity is a social construct that explains exactly how men should and should not act. I want you to think about the most masculine guy you know. Is he emotional? Is he sexually passive? Is he sympathetic? Does he ask for help and direction? Is he more of a lover than a fighter? Does he cry? Is he concerned about his looks or fashion sense? Does he drink margaritas? Does he like rom coms? Probably not. This is because men think that those are “women like qualities”.
Society puts an insane amount of pressure on men to act this way. Guys who participate in toxic masculinity are more insecure and afraid that they will be socially ostracized if they don’t act a certain way. In reality, the strongest men are those who don’t care what judgemental people think. These men can defy the “manly” stereotypes in order to do what they truly love to do. This social construct has a direct impact on men. It deprives them of their ability to show emotion, thus bottling everything up inside. Men are three and a half times more likely to commit suicide than women. Toxic masculinity is a direct cause of this. But this toxic ideology does not only lead to suicide, it leads to detrimental relationships as well.
Toxic masculinity promotes violence. In the most primitive way possible, violence is how men can express how “dominant” and “strong” they are. Think about all of the serial killers that you know of. How many of those are men? This is because from a very young age we instill violence in boys brains. From violent video games, to rap songs about gang activity and lack of respect for women, we teach boys that if they want to look powerful then they should get their hands on a gun. Now, not all men become mass shooters. There are many ways that men express violence in their everyday lives. This is where abusive relationships come into play. Forty three percent of college women report being exposed to violent or abusive dating behaviors. Yet, these violent behaviors typically begin as as early as twelve years old. So maybe if we stop telling our boys that violence and abuse is cool, then these numbers would go down and the number of healthy relationships will rise.
Not only does society’s views on masculinity promote violence, but they promote homophobia and rape culture, two acts that we are trying to shy away from. Social media gives men a casual setting to throw around gay slurs and misogynistic ideas without actually having to face the people that they are insulting. According to toxic masculinity you are less of a man if you are attracted to men, so you have to express your hatred towards gays in order to distance yourself from them. This homophobic culture is the reason why the LGB community has a four times greater chance of committing suicide than the straight community. Not only do straight men feel like they need to degrade gay men in order to raise their manly pedistal, but they feel as if they need to degrade women as well. As women fight for their equal rights, toxic men feel threatened and need objectify these women that stand in their way. That is why rape culture is a huge problem in our society. One in six college women reports being sexually assaulted in a dating relationship. This all starts with the toxic concept that "real men" need to be violent, dominant, and sex crazed. The idea that men can have masculinity so fragile that they feel they need to promote rape culture and homophobia is sickening.
Lastly, toxic masculinity causes a lack of communication between loved ones. This lack of communication happens when the couple needs it most. When a man participates in toxic masculinity, he feels like showing emotion is a sign of weakness. Men are less likeley to seek help. This neglect to reach out ranges from psychiatric help to even opening up with their partner and letting them know they aren't okay. Not talking about the problems that each individual is having is one of the worst things that you can do in a relationship. This lack of communication is what leads to fighting, break ups, suicide, and divorce.
So when are men going to stop hurting themselves and their loved ones? When are men going to “man up” and fight the fight that can save their relationships and their lives? Toxic masculinity is a sad construct that must be broken down. But, until men want to strengthen their relationships and emotional health this isn’t going to go away. So next time you see yourself or others partaking in toxic masculinity, take a step back and ask “who is this really helping”?
