I went through the hardest break up of my life this past year. I know that I (and 70% of everyone else in this world) have said that after every single one of my relationships has ended, but this was honestly not an exaggeration in the slightest because this time around, I had been engaged. I knew this was for the best, but obviously, that didn't make it hurt any less. He was my best friend, but he was an awful boyfriend and fiancé. Rationally, I knew that he had to be out of my life because of the boyfriend part. But emotionally, I just wanted my best friend there by my side to help me hide away my new wedding dress and cry into a pint of rocky road. However, life goes on so we all have to as well. After some time and a series of both good and bad decisions, I can now honestly say that I am thriving, not just surviving.
Do your best to accept the reality of your situation.
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Admitting the reality of the situation to yourself is the first step of processing all that is happening around you and in you. I would like to pretend that it was all my decision and he was the only one who did wrong in our relationship, but that isn't the truth. The truth is, I did stuff wrong and we both made the decision to not get married. Sometimes people have a hard time swallowing the pill that they aren't right for that person. The truth is, you may not be, but that's not such a bad thing. Mull over the idea and over time, you'll realize that you don't have to be "the one" for that person because they aren't "the one" for you. On the other hand, it can also be difficult for some people to realize that the other person wasn't "the one" for you. The truth is, sometimes you just have to accept the harsh reality that people aren't always who you think they are. People don't just change because they say they will. People don't learn commitment by buying you a sparkly ring and make a pretty promise. Make the decision your own. Decide that you, as a fully functioning and valid adult, will not accept empty promises and lies. Decide for yourself that you will not be disrespected, abused, manipulated, or otherwise taken advantage of anymore. Decide that you will find honest and real love elsewhere.
Be completely honest with yourself.
It is so important all the time, but especially after an emotional event such as a breakup, that we do not lie to ourselves. If you're not ok, then don't try to convince yourself that you are. But on the other hand, don't lie to yourself and say that it will never be OK again. Tell yourself the truth you're hurt and disappointed. Cry if you feel like it. Don't deny yourself the opportunity to watch the notebook four times in one day if that's how you feel. But when you don't feel like crying anymore (a feeling that I promise really will come), be honest that you may not need to cry as much or as often. Be as self aware as possible and take care of the whatever your mind, body, and soul are telling you that you need. Be honest with yourself and embrace the truth. It's the only way that you will heal. That means that the quicker you are really honest with yourself the quicker you will heal.
Remember that other things besides that person made you happy.
In order to thrive, don't just find things to distract you. It's best if we find things that excite us and drive us to happiness, helping others, and positive thinking! Everyone has something (not someone) that undoubtedly makes them smile. Embrace that thing and use it to remind yourself that there is life apart from your relationship. Making the perfect cup of tea, bouncing on a trampoline outside, painting your nails, volunteering, or playing your favorite instrument are all smile-inducing activities that can not only be done often and are awesome alone, with your siblings, or with friends.
Don't make generalizations or negative assumptions.
Breakups suck. There's no getting around that. However, not every man or woman in the world is just like your ex. There are many people in this world and this life can be longer than we anticipate. Take your time, but get back out there when you feel ready. Don't turn down every dinner offer out of fear. Don't refuse to get close to a certain gender because you assume they are all the same or can't be trusted. You can survive this world with a broken heart that you refuse to take care of, but the goal is to thrive. You don't need a relationship, but in order to thrive, you at least need to have a healthy mindset on life and love.
Any breakup is hard, no matter the messy details of how it went down. Good thing the truth is that you're stronger than you think. You just have to be honest with yourself and take care of yourself in the process. Nevertheless, before you know it, you will be thriving like the competent and amazing adult that you are!
