As you go through different experiences, you start to figure out yourself better than anyone else can. You know what makes you happy, sad or angry. Although this may seem like a minor unconscious process, it’s actually very important to befriend yourself. Getting to know yourself and all your quirks will better prepare you to teach people how to treat you. As narcissistic as this may sound, you do in fact teach people how to behave when they are around you. Ever behave one way in front of someone and then completely change your attitude when someone else walks in? In high school you treated every teacher differently based on how strict or laid-back they were. Well they trained you -- as you train others too.
You never have a second chance to make a first impression. From the moment you meet someone you are setting a tone for how you want them to treat you. Do you laugh at their jokes? Do you maintain a positive attitude? Do you command the room and demand respect when you walk in? There are many impressions you let off in the first 30 seconds of meeting someone.
That introduction is one of your few chances to vibe off your expectations. If you behave in a submissive way from the beginning, where you let others talk over and you and don’t talk assertively, you’ve set the tone that you are a submissive person and that’s how people will treat you every time they see you. If you speak in a way where you assert yourself where people realize they have to behave in a respectful way in order to get you to respond, then that’s the tone that you have set for your relationship with that person.
If your first impression is a friendly approach, then people will lighten up and relax whenever they are around you. If your first impression is strict, then people will feel more self-conscious and tight when they are around you. Tony Gaskins summed it up perfectly by stating that "you teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce."
This most definitely also applies with significant others. You set a tone for your ENTIRE relationship within your first few dates. If you decide to set a tone where he or she knows that they have to treat you like a princess or prince in order to get the best out of you, then that’s the tone that you’ve set for the rest of your relationship. If you let her or him get away with a lot more than you are comfortable with within the first few months, then that’s the tone you’ve set. Of course you can change mid-relationship, but that’s when the arguments of “you’ve changed” or “I miss the old you” come up. If you want something from someone, behave like you do from Day 1. Otherwise you can’t really expect them to change just because you realized you were making the wrong impression the first month…or year…or 10 years of the relationship. Behave the way you want to be treated from the start.
