My second year of college was the best and worst of my life. Some of my greatest achievements and most epic failures can be traced back to sophomore year. I don’t know what it is about being a sophomore, but there is definitely a reason that the word means “wise fool”. Despite making a fool of myself on occasions, I know that I made one decision during my sophomore year that forever changed my life for the better, and for that, I am thankful. I’m talking about my dating fast.

A while back I wrote an article about the six-month-long dating fast I took during last semester. I put my heart on the line, as all writers do, and was pleasantly surprised with the results of my efforts. Several Facebook friends and acquaintances reached out to me. Some wanted to know more, others thanked me for sharing my story. A few asked me how to go about taking a dating fast.

I should briefly explain that I decided to take a dating fast after spending a grand total of only about 5 months as a single pringle between the ages of 16 and 19. Crazy, right!? Somehow, I never noticed that absolute and utter craziness until I really noticed, and it scared me. I’d been through several relationships at that point—luckily, mostly good ones. However, upon finding myself single, I also found the time to re-evaluate my life, and my relationship with my number one guy, God.

I realized that over the years, I’d put my relationship with God on the back burner as I worked on my relationships with guys. My faith was still simmering, but was not boiling, hot, on fire, as it should have been. I was putting my trust in man, not in God. I knew that He had plans for me, to prosper me, to give me hope and a future, but I stubbornly insisted that His plan had to coincide with mine. And boy, was I ever wrong.

Finding myself single, an overly stressed sophomore, finally more accountable to God than to man, I asked Him what He really wanted from me. And just like that, I knew. He wanted me to focus on falling in love with Him again instead of looking for love and completeness in human relationships. It was then that I vowed to take my fast.

I read blogs of Focus missionaries and other Christian individuals who had fasted before me. I set rules for myself, and through trial and error, found what makes a dating fast work. Through my fast, I found greater fulfillment than I ever dreamed by listening to or “going steady” with God for six months. Here’s how I did it.

The first step may seem obvious: you have to commit to a dating fast. As easy as it sounds, it’s harder than you think. Fasting isn’t something you want to flip-flop on or start and stop. You don’t have to shout, “I’m on a dating fast” from the rooftop (unless you really just want members of the other sex to stay the heck away,) but it’s not exactly something you want to hide from others either. You might get judged. It’s fine. You’re not doing this to win approval from others, you’re doing it to improve your relationship with God. His opinion matters far more than anyone else’s.

The next step is to set a finishing date; you need a goal to work toward, a day to measure improvement by, and also, something to look forward to—a finish line of sorts.

While you’re on your fast, it’s important to spend time contemplating, meditating, praying, etc., but it’s not good to isolate yourself. Being alone can lead to overthinking, and overthinking can lead to some scary thoughts. You don’t want to be alone all the time. But even when you are alone, it’s important to remember that you’re not. God is with you every step of this journey. If you give Him room to plant a seed, His love will grow at an amazing, almost alarming rate.

It’s not always easy to keep the faith, or to keep yourself on the straight-and-narrow. Maybe you hate not being “coupled up”. Maybe there’s a really cute guy or girl in your class that you’re tempted to flirt with. Maybe your secret Pinterest wedding board is calling your name. Those are the moments when you need to ask for God’s intercession. Pray about your fast. A lot. And also, surround yourself as best you can with supportive, understanding friends and family—people who will remind you what your goals for growth are in your spiritual life, and who will encourage you to achieve them.

Listen to those friends, but also, hold yourself accountable. Only you can truly know how you’re doing/what you’re accomplishing on your dating fast. It’s hard being on a dating fast. It’s like a diet. When someone says you can’t eat chocolate cake, doesn’t it tempt you to sneak a slice? Stay strong. Take time to grow spiritually. Journal, go on nature walks, attend daily Mass, pray the rosary, etc. Also, be kind to yourself. Do what you love. Admire the sunset, eat dessert, watch your go-to movie, listen to your guilty-pleasure One Direction song, or whatever.

Lastly, work on improving yourself so that you, as an individual, can have a better, more enhanced relationship with God. Get in shape, learn something new, do some service, go on a retreat—there are thousands of options! There’s more to life than date nights. That’s something that I really needed to learn, and am extremely glad I finally did.

I hope this helps anyone who said they needed it, and anyone considering taking a dating fast. God bless!