The first article I wrote this year was entitled, “For Those Who Can’t Let Go Of An Impossible Love.” This is meant to be a continuation of that article. A compilation, if you will, of how I stand in that situation now. Let me say first, it’s okay to let go, now.

I always thought there was another chapter left in my book of someone. Not a journal, or a literary book of any sort, but the little story that you’re writing in your head all of the time. The thoughts that guide you; the whispers that may hurt you. It’s hard to get out of your head, but it’s time that you must. It’s time we all started becoming who we’re supposed to be, not figuring out who we’re supposed to be with.

If this person sparked something in you that you cannot forget, don’t. Yet, know that they did not come back and rekindle the flame, even though they probably knew you were still waiting for them. If this person filled your thoughts, let them flitter through every once in a while, but focus on building your other connections instead. They probably knew how much you thought of them, too.

No one is completely blind to the tricks of others. We can see them ensnaring new victims into their web, knowing exactly how that fly is gonna feel when it gets spit back out again. We see them cast their web, and we try our best not to get snaked back into their world, but it proves fruitless. How is this fair to us?

How can we do ourselves justice if we’re so consumed with someone else?

Not to say that this is a piece about love—in reality, I meant for it to be about self-growth—but sometimes the perfect love for you is waiting when you least expect it. My best friend, for example, got out of a terrible relationship last spring.

Not worth the gory details, but it ended with her deciding that she was done with men (with dating) for the next while. I didn’t know her well at the time, but I knew her to be carefree and energetic, and she loved to dance. One night, a couple days after she made her declaration against sex, she met this kinda awkward cute guy.

They’ve been dating for over eight months now, which for college, feels like an eternity. My point with this anecdote is not to tell you that maybe the perfect love for you is sitting right where you can’t see it, because maybe it’s not. Maybe you’ve already found the perfect person, but there just hasn’t been any room for it to work out.

Either way, don’t consume yourself with the feelings of one. There are seven billion people on this planet, and you only know a handful of them. Spend some time making new connections and starting new memories, don’t get hung up on the old ones. Grow into who you want to be, not who you want to be with.