For all those men out there thinking of breaking up with their girlfriends and are just looking for the best way to go about it, have no fear. Follow these steps and you are sure to end things FOR GOOD with that soon-to-be ex. This plan is a surefire way to guarantee she’ll never want to get back together and as an extra bonus, both of you will most likely never speak to each other again. By ending things in a way that benefits both parties it’s a win-win situation, and she’ll be glad to never see your face again.
Step 1: Identify your reason.
Don’t simply use the line “It’s not you, it’s me” that is such a beginner move. One must simply blame her for everything that has gone wrong in the relationship. Think of the last argument. Let's say she was mad because perhaps this was the third or fourth time plans were made and she is sick of your last-minute cancellations. Use the following argument but from a personal perspective: “It always makes me feel bad when you let me know how you feel.” This way she’s the problem in the relationship and this frees you up from any guilt or responsibility.
Step 2: Don’t make her feel good about herself.
Think of all the positive aspects of her personality that were once loved and considered attractive and write them down. Then go back and convince yourself that they are the complete opposite and untrue. Use these findings as a script. Take this scenario for example: She always shared new opportunities that would be good for me, motivated me to get a job, helped me study and ace a couple of tests, she made me a better person and she even accomplished the unthinkable, had me going to church. Take these findings and use them in that break-up script, and say things like “You are never supportive of me, you put me down, you aren’t always nice.” Get the idea boys? Girl’s love that kind of stuff… NOT!
Step 3: Just give up.
Don’t acknowledge any of the good times you had with each other or what went well in your relationship. Doing this will just remind her and make her reminiscent. the goal is to get rid of her so why even try to fix things. Throw away that year or two spent building that relationship. Just simply give up. Try lines like “I can’t do this” or “I don’t know how to…(blank)” or “I’m done with this.” Show her she’s not worth the effort to try and save this. She’ll think this whole thing was a waste of time or that you didn’t value anything in your relationship as much as she did.
Step 4: Make sure to have said or done these things before breaking up:
“I love you and I won’t be able to bear it if I lose you.”
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“I can’t wait to build a future together.”
“We were meant to be.”
“You are beautiful.”
Promise to take her to places, do things, and get things done but never actually do them
Pick out your kid’s names
Tell her that you plan on marrying her and you’ve looked at rings
Repeatedly tell her you LOVE her but never actually show it
Step 5: Pick a time.
Milestones in a relationship are great to use as breakups. For many, it can be such an accomplishment to have made it to that one year anniversary. Guess what, there couldn’t be a better time, end it then! Her birthday’s coming up…surprise her, she will never expect it. Valentine’s Day, get in a fight. Hell, leave her at the altar! She’ll hate it and never want to celebrate those things again but that’s the goal, right?
Step 6: And a place.
The hardest step of them all is deciding how to do it. Forget calling her or having the decency to tell her to her face. These days life is all about technology so the absolute best way to destroy a relationship is to text her the breakup.
Step 7: Always end it with, "we can still be friends."
Even though she’s going to wonder why the hell she would want to be friends with someone who did this to her, say it anyway. She’ll be so opposed to the idea there’s no chance she’ll go for it.
Step 8: Have someone proofread.
Look over the text message, the more typos the better, she doesn’t want to be with someone who is not intelligent. Also, I suggest maybe even getting your mom to write it. She’ll be thrilled to knock out the competition. In fact, Mom probably has something written already. She’ll be so excited to have her boy all for herself, she won’t mind giving some advice.
Step 9: Forget the relationship ever happened.
On social media, delete every picture. Change that relationship status before even breaking up with her. Unfriend her family, yes her little siblings that you once requested to follow too. She means nothing and apparently was never worth remembering.
Step 10: Learn something from this
If you have ever done this to a girl, are planning on doing this at some point in a relationship, or are taking this plan seriously, GROW UP! The goal isn’t to make someone cry or to hurt them anymore than they already are. Do us all a favor and try some self-analysis. Acknowledge your faults, and don’t dismiss valuable experiences. Every relationship has a purpose, and each one passed helps towards finding the right one but, to realize that one’s got to be open to learning from their mistakes.
Lastly, I must add for both men and women who have or are experiencing a breakup,
Let’s get real here, break ups will never be easy. No matter how much time put into creating a trusting relationship for it to be broken down in five words is devastating. All emotions are completely valid and anyone who tries to suppress those feelings are not worth a second chance. Many men and women struggle with how to cope with a breakup either running straight for the pint size ice cream, crying in bed or plotting some major revenge tactics. The best thing is to be around people you love and to motivate yourself. Find something enjoyable to do and focus all your attention towards getting better at it. Go out, take a walk, pray on it! Just know that no matter how messy the breakup may feel now, better things are yet to come.
