"What do you do to protect yourself from creepy guys?"
I created a survey. It was a relatively short Google Form that contained just three questions. Nothing too much, but elaboration was encouraged.
I asked for personal experiences, legitimate excuses women have given in situations with men where they wanted a way out but felt too uncomfortable to just leave without a "real reason."
I received over 100 responses before I decided to no longer accept more.
Immediately, a million red flags came up. Over 100 women sampled from the various communities and social media platforms that I am a member of had personal experiences where the unwanted and unwarranted approach of a man made them too uncomfortable.
This is a problem.
Women everywhere live in fear daily of these uncomfortable situations. Whether it's a guy grabbing ass at a party, catcalling on the walk home, walking past at night, or creepily talking for too long, it doesn't matter—Women shouldn't need to constantly be afraid.
We aren't overreacting. We shouldn't feel the need to lie in order to excuse ourselves, to leave an uncomfortable situation, or to feel safer.
Here are 106 responses that women have given creepy men in order to get away from them.
Q. "What is an excuse you've used to get out of an uncomfortable situation with a man?"
1. I have to go to work (2)
2. I have a boyfriend (2)
3. I'm on my period (2)
4. Say I have a boyfriend and then pull up a random photo of me with a guy friend
5. Feeling sick and needing to leave
6. Say "I will literally screech if you keep speaking with me"
7. Family emergency
8. I really gotta get going, my friend is expecting me
9. I had an assignment due in an hour and I needed to go do it
10. I have a boyfriend (I actually don't)
11. I gotta get back to work
12. My friend Zoe one time claimed she had a boyfriend (a classic cue for any reasonable man to back off) BUT this man did not. He said "He doesn't have to know," which really alarmed her and she got out of that bar very quickly.
13. I forgot something, I have to go back
14. I'm late for class/meeting someone/work
15. My mom texted me saying I need to come home
16. I have a boyfriend (which I really do)
17. I am a lesbian, or I have to get back to work
18. "I have a boyfriend" even when I don't. Because men respect other men more than my right to say no.
19. Sorry I'm a lesbian
20. I need to go find my friend
21. Oh damn, sorry, I have to take this call, it's my kid.
22. I used to wear a ring my mom got me on my ring finger when I'd go out and just flash the ring at men and that usually worked
23. I have homework
24. Lie about having a boyfriend
25. I have a boyfriend (when I don't have one)
26. My friends are here
27. I have to go, I need to be up early tomorrow
28. I've got a lot of homework I need to do
29. I have to pick up my daughter. For some reason, the majority of creepy men get less creepy when there are children involved.
30. I'm so sorry, I have to get to my next class, I can't afford to miss it again
31. I was on the way to Pride in Chicago with my best friend (female) on the train and some guys came up and were definitely on something and they stared and made comments about my body and how they wanted me, and my friends and I tried to ignore by playing on our phones.
32. My friends are waiting
33. I have a boyfriend, I have to go
34. Laugh and then say I need to go check on my friend
35. Act like someone is calling me and leave
36. I've used the classic "I have a boyfriend" and when that doesn't work, I point to an extremely buff man and say "That's my boyfriend and he'll beat you up if you don't leave me alone."
37. If I'm with other friends, I try to go back to them
38. I ignore it or say I'm not interested (I'm pushing 50, it's taken me a long time to get to this point)
39. "Oh I have to go, someone's waiting on me" or some variation, letting them know someone is expecting me
40. Sorry, I'm late to meet my boyfriend
41. I have to pee
42. Pretend my friend is calling and say I need to go
43. My mom is calling, my friend needs me, I have to go home now, I have a lot of homework to do, I already have plans, I didn't get your message, my phone must be messing up
44. Oh hey I see my brother, gtg
45. Basically just responded "okay" to everything he said until he left. Then I went to go get my manager.
46. Take a fake call or send a code word to my best friend or mom to call
47. My boyfriend is just over there
48. I wear a fake engagement ring when I'm out by myself and tell them my fiancé is at home waiting for me
49. Texted my friend to call for an "emergency"
50. I have a boyfriend, my friends are looking for me, I have to go
51. I'm meeting my friend somewhere
52. I'm sorry, I have to go check on my babysitter
53. My husband just called and said my father was just in a car wreck I need to go
54. Go to the restroom or just walk away
55. My boyfriend is waiting for me (don't have one)
56. I have to use the restroom
57. I just remembered I have homework, maybe we can hang out some other time?
58. I have a bf, I'm busy, I'm not interested, I'm late for a meeting, sorry my Uber's here
59. My husband is about to pick me up
60. I have to pick up my sister from a party
61. *checks phone* gtg my friend needs me
62. I have a group chat with my sisters and if you text "call," one of them will call with an "emergency"
63. Faked a phone call and had to take it and leave
64. Pretended my roommate was calling
65. One time my guy friend pretended to be my boyfriend! He played along, and so now anytime someone strange is talking to me, we have a plan in place
66. I'm meeting a friend and need to go
67. I'm late for a meeting
68. I have a boyfriend or I like women
69. I usually just say "I gotta go" and walk away. I don't apologize either.
70. I just leave
71. I need to go sit down
72. I have to go to the bathroom, it was nice meeting you...
73. I've got to go find my friends bye
74. I have a boyfriend
75. I need to study
76. I'm not feeling well
77. I told them I have an emergency at home I had to leave for
78. My ride is here
79. I was working at an amusement park and a dad hit on me while his kid was right there. I lied and said I was 16 (I was 18).
80. Sorry I have a boyfriend, sorry I'm in a rush to get to my friends
81. I'm gay
82. I'm in a hurry
83. Faked being on the phone, made a male friend be my "boyfriend," running late to work, friends are leaving
84. I'm pregnant or I'm gay
85. I have a boyfriend (not true)
86. I already promised my roommate I'd x,y,z
87. I have to go, I'm meeting a friend for dinner/lunch/coffee
88. I'm a substitute teacher (mostly middle and high school) so I get a lot of unwanted advances from cocky teenage boys. I started wearing a fake engagement/wedding ring and sadly it helps so much. I've used my boyfriend or just friends as an excuse so many times (I'm meeting them, waiting on someone, they went to the bathroom, etc)
89. I'm married
90. I'm late for a meeting with someone
91. I text my boyfriend/mom and ask for a phone call so I can politely excuse myself
92. I have to go find my friend
93. Mention I have to go to the bathroom
94. My boyfriend is waiting for me in the car, I'm pregnant
95. I came out with my friends and I'm hanging out with them
96. Other (3)
Q. What is a reply/"comeback" you've said in response to a catcall?
1. Fuck off (3)
2. No thanks (2)
3. You wish
4. Your ignorance is apparent
5. Fuck you, asshole
6. I usually ignore them completely and don't give a response
7. Go fuck yourself, because I sure as hell won't fuck you
8. A middle finger
9. I didn't do anything because the elevator doors were already closing on me and the catcall person and his friends were staying in the room I was leaving, playing a game of pool. I was slightly flattered and slightly alarmed. If I went back today, I would've thrown daggers at them with my eyes.
10. I have a boyfriend
11. Dirty looks
12. I never reply to catcalls, I usually just give them a glare and keep walking
13. Being quiet and looking down
14. Look down, slightly ashamed of being a girl because if I were to confront it, the situation would escalate and who knows what could happen. Walk away in silence and then when I ignore them, they start calling me ugly names because I'm being "rude."
15. Thumbs up
16. Eye roll and keep on walking
17. I usually don't say anything in fear of being followed. But sometimes I give a good "fuck off"
18. Whenever an unwanted older guy (40+) tries to chat me up, I tell him I was born in 1995 to make him feel incredibly old and creepy (because he is)
19. Replying to "Hey Mami," I'll say "Oh wow, are you my kid's dad!?"
20. I usually just yell "who raised you"
21. Uhhhh
22. Head down, keep walking
23. Fuck off.
24. Nothing, too scared
25. Middle finger
26. Wow, so much class (HEAVY sarcasm)
27. I have this look....I hear it's terrifying. It definitely stops men from doing more. I also just keep walking or enter a store or place with people.
28. Eye roll
29. He said "You'd be really hot if you weren't wearing that shirt," and it was a feminist shirt. I said "You'd be really smart if you kept your mouth shut"
30. Walked in the opposite direction with no verbal comeback
31. I don't say anything. I speed walk away for my safety.
32. Nothing, I don't want to be aggressive and anger them
33. Nothing
34. Fuck you
35. Sometimes a middle finger in their direction. Sometimes I stop and straight up tell them how disrespectful it was.
36. I don't get catcalled at my age. If I did, I'd ignore it. Don't feed the trolls.
37. Usually nothing for fear of getting harassed further. I would just love to shout "Fuck off!"
38. I usually don't reply or give it any attention
39. "No thanks," ignore them, or "Seriously?" Depending on the situation and person
40. Could you be any more childish?
41. I just keep walking because they're too disgusting to deserve a response that will give them that attention
42. You couldn't handle me, asshole
43. I never reply -- I always keep walking, faster
44. My fiancé probably wouldn't like that, fuck off, go away, I ignored them, I pretended to get a phone call
45. Does this ever work for you??
46. I think I've only glared in response or pretended not to hear it
47. (Sarcastically) Wow, your dick must be sooo big
48. I usually ignore them or flip them off
49. Idk let me ask my mom
50. Given the finger
51. I just awkwardly laugh and keep walking
52. Dirty look or middle finger
53. I don't respond
54. And the winner for lack of manners and masculinity is...
55. What do you mean? (Make them feel dumb)
56. Avoid eye contact
57. Most times I just do my best to ignore it
58. I've never verbally responded. I always keep walking and try to pretend that I didn't hear it in hopes that the person who catcalled will lose interest
59. Flip them off or just ignore it because I don't want to make it worse
60. A guy whistled and I flipped him off
61. Get a life
62. Flip the bird
63. I don't. I just keep walking. Better safe and ignored than sorry.
64. Fuck off, flip them the bird, are you serious? etc
65. Get lost
66. I totally ignore and don't make eye contact
67. I personally just laugh because I don't find them that offensive
68. I know your momma taught you better than this
69. I just ignore them
70. I have not been catcalled that I can recall, but I know there have been times where I've "prepared" a response in advance if the situation should ever arise
71. I usually just give them a dirty look and keep walking. Or don't give them a look at all, since my response is what they are hoping for
72. Fuck you
73. No thanks
74. Silence. I never talk back out of fear of retaliation.
75. I just walk away because I don't want to start something
76. Ignore
77. I usually don't have a comeback because I'm afraid of making the guy mad and having him come after me. So I ignore it and walk away.
78. Don't respond
79. Fuck off, I'll beat your ass
80. Bye
81. Fuck off. I was yelled at from a man's work vehicle and said "I'll let your boss know that's how you feel"
82. You're pathetic, seriously? Fuck off
83. None, I just ignore it
84. Fuck off
85. I'll let my husband know you said that. But I'll be laughing like it's a little joke
86. Not really a catcall, but during student teaching I had this one senior boy who kept asking me to go to prom with him. One day, I looked at him and said "Why? Do you need a chaperone because your mom is busy or is it because your sister refused to go with you?" I got some giggles from the other students, but I never got a "proposal" during class again!
87. Ignore it and walk faster
88. I ignore them
89. Look, don't touch, go fuck yourself, leave me alone
90. Flipped off
91. Thanks, I grew it myself
92. Ignore and hope they stop
93. Glare and look away
94. Nothing -- I walk away
95. Other
Q. What is an excuse you've given to get out of an uncomfortable conversation with a man?
1. I have a boyfriend (2)
2. Said my ride was here and ran
3. My dad's a cop and wouldn't appreciate this
4. Did you know republican men are the weakest beings in the ecosystem?
5. Hey, it looks like my friend is really drunk and needs my help. I'm gonna go be with her. Thanks for the drink. Hope you have a nice night!
6. I'm engaged
7. Friends need me, I have to go to a meeting, literally told a man he was boring once
8. I have a boyfriend (again, I don't)
9. Gotta get back to work, or so and so is waiting for me
10. That I have to go and talk to someone else I know at the same event, and usually this person is in a huge group so I just become one with their circle and ignore the guy for the rest of the night and maybe even for two more weeks
11. Silence, ignoring him
12. Okay, thank you, bye. I'm late for...
13. That I have to be somewhere else
14. I am busy
15. Gotta go, my girlfriend is waiting for me
16. Sorry, I have a boyfriend (even when I didn't)
17. I need to go find my friend, I have a boyfriend, I need to make a call, I have to go to the bathroom
18. I've told guys that my best friend is literally throwing up and I have to go help her, and then I run away. Especially in a crowded bar, it is so easy to have men put a hand on your lower back to "keep you" next to him the entire time. When I feel this happening, I try to think of the most outrageous excuse so he doesn't have time ot process it and then, quite literally, sprint away.
19. I have a girlfriend
20. I'll text one of my friends to either come get me or to call me. We have a code of "left the mac and cheese on the stove," which is a "creepier but not too scared so just call." We also have "the dog got out" as a "call me and come find me now." I will also tell men I'm underage if it's out on the street and that usually gets them to go away.
21. Oh, I gotta go get my siblings from school
22. My friend was waiting for me outside
23. I have to go call my boyfriend (when I don't have one)
24. I have to call my parents now
25. I'm gay
26. I should probably get going
27. "Oh hey thanks" as I touch them on the arm "how nice of you" as I walk to someone else
28. I check my phone and say "Oh sorry, I have to go find my friend"
29. We ended up telling the guy we were dating and underage, and he still wouldn't leave us alone about what our names were, where we lived, etc
30. Pretend I have a phone call
31. I have a boyfriend, walk away, I'm late I gotta go
32. Fake laugh and lie
33. Sorry I have to go call/find my friend
34. I say I have a meeting or have to head to work. I've also just said I'm really tired and need to sleep.
35. I don't let the convo go long enough to let it reach this point. I'll shut it down fast.
36. I've got a boyfriend (even though I didn't)
37. Saying I'm busy or just walking away
38. I usually say that I have a boyfriend or just awkwardly laugh and walk away
39. Sorry, I think my friend is wanting to go home
40. I think my friend is crying in the bathroom, I should go check on her
41. I have a boyfriend
42. I have literally told a man that my fiancé was calling me and he kept trying to hit on me
43. Oh hey I see my brother gtg
44. Suddenly look at my watch and "realize" I need to get going
45. I'm gay or I have a boyfriend
46. I'm only 17
47. I say "I need to go, my fiancé is calling me," and I'll just start a fake phone conversation with no one on the other end of the line
48. Let me text my group chat and see what my friends say to this
49. If it's through phone, I stop replying. In person, I usually say I have to go find my friends
50. I have to get back to my friend
51. I don't like you and I'm going to walk away from you now
52. I am on my way to meet my boyfriend (don't have one)
53. I have a boyfriend/husband
54. I have to go to the bathroom, my friend needs me
55. I'm sorry, my mom's calling me
56. I'm really tired, I think I should head home to get some sleep
57. I dip out asap
58. My husband is parking the car and will be here soon
59. I was blunt and said I have got to go home
60. Sorry. My boyfriend is waiting for me. Then I walk away as fast as I can
61. Tell them "you're making me uncomfortable" and hope they understand but they never do, so I eventually have to leave the conversation with a phone call or needing to use the bathroom
62. I'm in high school (I'm not)
63. My guy friend actually saved me one time and saw that a guy was talking to me at a club so he came over and was like "Hey, you ready to leave?" And I said yes, of course, and we got out of there before the flirtatious guy had a chance to say anything
64. I have somewhere I need to be
65. My friend is over there so I have to go
66. I'll have a friend call like there is an emergency
67. I have a boyfriend
68. A friend called me or had a friend pull me away
69. My friend is waiting for me
70. I usually laugh (in a humoring way), as I am too anxious to cut off conversations. I usually sit through it until there's an opportunity for us to part ways.
71. Yeah, I don't like where this is going, I'm gonna go find my friends now, bye.
72. I've got to go find my friends
73. I have to go find my boyfriend
74. My brother is a cop
75. I'm going to bed
76. I look at my phone and act like I'm reading an important message and then tell them I had to leave because an emergency came up.
77. I'm in a relationship when I'm single
78. Said I needed to go take care of my drunk friend
79. Say that I'm going to the restroom and try to leave. I've also asked a random girl to act like I'm her friend because I was afraid to say anything else to the guy
80. I'm gay
81. I have school, have my best friend call me, I have to do...
82. My friends are waiting for me
83. Usually, I say I'm running late to something or fake a phone call
84. Pretend to get a phone call, say I'm going to be late for work, or pretend I'm about to throw up and walk fast.
85. I'm meeting a friend for coffee/dinner/lunch. Isn't it interesting that we have to justify WHY we have to leave? It's polite, but why are we being polite to people who are making us uncomfortable?
86. I used to babysit a lot, so I had pictures on my phone of the different kids. When a conversation became uncomfortable, I would whip it out and start showing pictures of "my" children and he would usually find an excuse to end the conversation pretty quickly.
87. I have somewhere I need to be
88. I need to leave to go somewhere
89. I have to go to class/work
90. I'm late for class
91. I'm going to scream if you don't leave me alone
92. I have to go to work
93. My parents are expecting me home soon, I have to go
94. I have to leave, sorry
95. Nothing, I just turn to walk away
96. I need to check on my friend
97. My mom is calling, I have to take this
98. I don't want to talk to you any longer.
99. Leave me alone.
100. I need to go check on my friend.
Do you see the problem now? We have to tell these creepy men that we have boyfriends even if we don't because men respect other men more than they respect ourselves. We have to apologize to people making us uncomfortable because it feels wrong to not.
There is a problem. Women should be able to walk without being hollered at. Women shouldn't be afraid to say anything in fear of further harassment. The amount of responses of this Google Form is just a drop in the bucket in the number of women who deal with these things every day.
Something has to change.
