Pseudo-fan: a person who participates in collegiate or professional sports culture for the sport of it. No, not the sport people are watching. The sport of being a fan.

I have never really cared about following or watching sports. When growing up in Fort Collins, Colorado, my family took me to many Colorado State University football and basketball games, which were fine and all, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say my attendance was mostly influenced by the tailgate food. No, I don’t know what a fourth down means, but I did love chili and free beer, so I showed up every once in a while.

In late high school when considering what school to attend, I rolled my eyes at the McCarthey Athletic Center on my tour of Gonzaga, doubting I'd ever attend a game there. Of course, once I became a student here, I discovered the strange phenomena of “the bandwagon." Would I call myself a sports fan today? Heavens, no. But trust me – there are plenty of people like me in the stands waving our hands around to “Zombie Nation” despite our complete and utter lack of knowledge for what’s technically happening on the court.

Here are the undeniable signs of a pseudo-fan with some hypothetical examples:

He or she nods and smiles with oblivion when friends and relatives want to talk sports during their visit home for Christmas break

Friend/relative: Have you been to any basketball games this year?

Pseudo-fan: Yes, I’ve been to them all!

Friend/ Relative: Wow, what an upset that game against the University of Illinois was. Their defense was just too strong. Not to mention Gonzaga’s new freshman missing that free throw…

(The friend/relative keeps talking for several minutes.)

Pseudo-fan: …totally.

The pregame is the game. He or she blacks out by the time they reach the game. When real fans ask them how they felt about some horrible call by the referees or something, they lie poorly.

Real fan: Oh hey, what’s up Molly. Saw you at that game last night. Looks like you were going crazy yelling at that ref over that bad call in the fourth quarter with everyone else. What a bummer, right?

Pseudo-fan: …oh, for sure. I couldn't believe it.

He or she illegally uses a space heater during Tent City.

Kennel board member: Hey, what’s that sound in your tent?

Pseudo-fan: That’s my…laptop? Please go away I have work to do.

(Pseudo-fan turns the space heater up a little as Kennel board member walks away)

Occasionally, he or she claps for the wrong side.

Real fan, or anyone paying attention whatsoever: Molly, why are you clapping? The other team just scored.

(Pseudo-fan obviously is in the habit of simply taking cues from those around him or her.)

Pseudo-fan: “…well, it was a good play…right? Isn’t that something we do when they try hard?”

He or she is generally more active on social media than the real fans.

Pseudo-fan: #gozags #zagup #wererankedfirst #tentcity #bulldogs #zagpride #tent86forever

He or she progressively attends fewer and fewer games every year.

Real fan: I’ve been to every men’s and women’s Gonzaga basketball game, except I missed one that weekend when I had bronchitis.

Pseudo-fan: I went to every game my freshman year, then sophomore I went to three, then junior year I went to none, so we’ll see if I make it to any this year. Waiting in line for ticket distribution is too cold, and I have shit to do. I can’t just spend three hours standing. I’m not as young as I used to be.

Going to a university with a big athletic program means that the social scene, especially in the frigid winter months when there is little else to do, revolves around these bizarre gatherings where we watch other people play a game. No matter how absurd I find this concept, you can find people like me in row 30 talking the whole time.