As an English major, I get a lot of questions about what my area of studies really qualifies me for in life. And do you know what my answer to that is?

Shakespeare.

I don't care who you are in the United States or where you go/went to university, but if you majored in English, you read yourself some Shakespeare at one point or another. So, I thought I'd share the exact process of reading Shakespearean literature with those of you who are curious. And, of course, those of you who know exactly what I'm talking about are encouraged to nod along appreciatively.

*Picks one of Shakespeare's works*

Or, more accurately, *Is ASSIGNED one of Shakespeare's works*

*starts reading*

This isn't bad at all, really--I don't know what everyone's been complaining about.

Except...dammit...I don't remember who this guy was. *flips back to the list of characters*

Oh, Ok. I see it now.

Why. Are. There. So. Many. Characters?

You know what, I'm doing pretty well but I'd better read slower because I'm pretty sure I didn't understand anything I just read.

Ugh, this is taking forever to reread and I still don't know exactly what's happening.

What does this word even mean? Like, I know what it would mean today but I'm 100% sure they don't mean it like that.

*looks up term*

What? Why would anyone say a sentence like that when it's so much easier to say it with fewer words, just in a different order?

Are they actually rhyming or fake rhyming?

Shakespeare, shame on you--these last four rhymes have been mediocre at best.

*reads something incredibly offensive/racist/misogynistic/etc.*

WHAT THE DAMN HELL, WILLIAM? WHY ARE YOU WRITING SUCH HATEFUL THINGS? WE READ YOU IN MIDDLE SCHOOLS! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

OK, so it's not cheating if I open Sparknotes and alternate between reading the summaries and the original text so I for sure know what's going on.

*reads only the summaries*

OK, so since I read the summaries, I think I can just skim the text to finish this off.
*starts falling asleep*

No. I have to read this. I have to be cultured. And plus, I need to do it to pass my English class.

*powers through the rest of the play*

YES. I AM THE MASTER OF THE WRITTEN ENGLISH LANGUAGE. EVERYONE BOW DOWN TO ME.

*reads the essay prompt that came along with the Shakespeare assignment (because let's face it, unless you're locked in a library with no other books, you probably didn't choose to read a Shakespeare play of your own volition).*

*realizes that writing an essay on the play you just read is going to be nearly impossible because you basically just Sparknoted the entire thing*

*wails in despair*

*opens the book back up and begins rereading it so it can be analyzed in an essay*