These past couple weeks have been excruciating, haven’t they? Our nation and world at large are already fractured and scarred. And moments like the Christina Grimmie murder, the Orlando nightclub massacre and the Oakland shooting open these wounds afresh.

So, what’s the seemingly most “logical” thing to do following all of these events? Of course, take to social media. Oversaturate all channels with slews of dichotomic opinions, rants and remarks on the many flaws of our politicians and policies. With the research or knowledge you have in your possession, get into heated debates. Make memes slandering someone or something. Whether you are a presidential candidate or the nanny next door, you have a voice that needs to be heard, right?

Stop. Please just stop.

This is not a proper reaction. This is not the way we should respond. In my observations, it has become very apparent that we spend fractions of a second to post the next #prayforblank hashtag and then quickly jump into this frenzied chaos. Let’s call a timeout real quick.

Friends, we are a people that exist beyond politics and policy frameworks. We are a people who live amongst other people. That simple yet key relational aspect is so important when reacting well following a tragedy. Keep this simple fact in the forefront of your mind.

Now can we stop the bantering at least until we work through a healthy process of instilling solidarity? Here is what reacting well looks like following a tragedy.

Be silent.

Counterintuitive to the way our western society works. Before you shout out, shut up. In times like these, the ones affected by the tragedy do not need another jaded voice. Whether you have an opinion or not, save it, stay silent and simply acknowledge what has just happened.

Let your words be few. I guarantee this is an uncomfortable place to be in for most of our Western culture. Just do it.

Mourn.

In the silence, I bet your heart cried out for the victims and their families. Did that thought overwhelm you? Spend time to mourn with those individuals. Spend time discerning what these folks might be feeling. Spend a moment thinking beyond you.

Allow yourself lift and transpose the imprint of their pain to yourself.

Name your emotions.

Remember when I mentioned that we are people who live amongst people? Yeah, we people have emotions of our own. And to clarify, I don’t want us to dismiss our emotions. That wouldn’t be very healthy.

It is okay to be angry, confused, frustrated, or scared. Maybe you feel the emotions of one or more of these. Identify it.

Reflect.

After you name your emotions, you have to get to the bottom it. Ask yourself “why.” Why do I feel what I’m feeling? Is it because I have an emotional attachment to a victim or their family’s story? Maybe you are reminded of a traumatic incident in your own life. It doesn’t have to be of the same scale to provoke emotions.

Do you feel indifference, prejudice or hatred forming from the raw emotion of anger? This reflection time is crucial and can give you forewarning into unhealthy emotions as well. Use prayer or meditations to your advantage here.

Talk about it.

Notice I said talk about it. Talking infers in the company of real people and not posting a status to the world. Talk about your reflection time with trusted individuals, who have your best interest in mind.

Whether they are a family member, friend, or mentor, be intentional with this time. Have an engaging two-way dialogue. Challenge each other to be vulnerable. Here is a great opportunity to discuss your frustrations with politicians or policies. This should be a safe environment where hostility is far from reach.

Stand up and walk the walk.

I truly believe that each one of us can be a catalyst for positive change. However, we can’t drive change if we are professing it behind our electronic devices. Tragedies will happen. We don’t wish them upon anyone but the world is still fractured and scarred. Politicians and policies will come and go and we will still see brokenness all around us.

I believe if we as individuals, families, communities, states and nations continue to proactively choose love first, our love will cast out all fear and hate. So as one people, let’s get out there. Let’s challenge ourselves to get to know people who are different than us. Let’s break racial, socioeconomic, gender and sexual orientation divides. Love your neighbor. The quiet efforts of many will overshadow the loud efforts of few.

Now, together, we the people are better equipped to react well following a tragedy. We are sorry for overshadowing the deaths of many with our unnecessary remarks.

We are here. We are united. We give our condolences to the victims and their families.