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Relationships

How to NOT get the Girl

Interested in a girl? Here's how to guarantee she will want nothing to do with you in 5 simple steps

Janet Riggs

Dec 07, 2017

Huntington University

425

Camila Cordeiro

Fellas, if you're interested in a girl, there are ways to go about approaching her. These are five things you can do that will guarantee to make her find you creepy and never want to speak to you again (usually).

1. Tell her you love her approximately a half hour after talking to her for the first time.

Just.... don't.

2. Follow her to her vehicle when she leaves.

Unless you parked near her unintentionally, you have no need to follow her to her car. That's just creepy.

3. Tell her you have a wife and kids.

Most women DON'T like a married man.

4. Low-key follow her around the workplace, never letting her out of your site.

Or, ya know, following her, in general, is something you shouldn't do. #creepy #stalkermuch

5. Interpret general friendliness as an open door for sex (or anything really).

Wow, she smiled at you when you passed each other. She also smiled at every person she passed. Just because someone is friendly does not mean they are looking for sex or anything else from you. Don't interpret it that way.

Disclaimer: Yes, this is a bit of satire, but I mean it with some seriousness. No girl ever enjoys having to report a coworker to HR, but we will if the situation calls for it. It's not that hard to flirt in a workplace but know the boundaries. It isn't too difficult.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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How to NOT get the Girl

Interested in a girl? Here's how to guarantee she will want nothing to do with you in 5 simple steps

1. Tell her you love her approximately a half hour after talking to her for the first time.

2. Follow her to her vehicle when she leaves.

3. Tell her you have a wife and kids.

4. Low-key follow her around the workplace, never letting her out of your site.

5. Interpret general friendliness as an open door for sex (or anything really).

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We don't buy into these... just like how we don't buy our friends.

8. "The whole philanthropy thing isn't real, right?"

7. "I don't need to buy my friends."

6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

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