With midterms coming up, a lot of you are probably under a lot of stress and pressure. I don't want to add to the fire, but just remember that these exams that you're taking have the potential to change your life's trajectory; a lot of your future bosses think that standardized testing is a good way to weed out the weak, and that if you can't live up to a certain level of expectations, you might as well be a hobo on the street. Don't think about all of that because it's just the subjective opinion of a dumb college student.

But do you know what's not subjective? The fact that you definitely do not want to do any work.

Luckily for you, I have many ways of not doing any work. Stop being productive and disappoint your parents for one more second with me. "Disown" is just a silly verb; nobody really does that, right?

1. Drop everything that you're doing.

That little boy is gently dropping his things. He is not picking them up, I've asked him myself. Simple enough, right? You are mistaken. There is a technique to dropping everything that you're doing. First off, you have to drop everything from a reasonable level. For example, if you're sitting on a bed, just slam your book straight down to the ground. The more force you apply to your personal or rented objects, the more tired you get. And obviously, the more tired you are, the less incentive you have to pick up your things. It's a science, really.

2. Go to sleep until you pass all of your deadlines.

Drool gets you extra points. This is pretty self-explanatory. If you don't know how to sleep, I have an article all about it. Coincidentally, I almost fell asleep before submitting this article and I almost passed my deadline. Do you see how effective this method is? There are probably statistics out there that correlate amount of hours somebody spent sleeping in and how many jobs they've lost.

3. Go to sleep until you pass all of your deadlines.

I know I've already explained this point, but I honestly think it's the best way to go. Anyway, moving on.

4. Go on a trip, spend all of your money, and never go back home.

Chain not included. The best way to avoid all of your problems is to get as far away from them as possible. Somebody who was probably a good influence in my life taught me how to ignore responsibilities, and I haven't shown any potential for anything since. But whenever some fool gives me money, I use this money to go on excursions to take my mind off of everything stressful. By everything, I mean the lack of anything stressful that I have. I have never lifted a finger in my life. Do you think I'm writing this article? I got a ghost writer to type things out as I say them. I pay him in friendship and snacks, and he'll never leave my side because he is a dog.

I don't know what home is, but as long as my dog is by my side, everywhere is home.