If you’re reading this right now, I’d like to start out by apologizing for the last asshole who broke your heart. You deserve way more than whatever he was offering and I hope your new guy gives you the world. But in order to find that desired and much deserved perfection, you have to move on.
Correction, we have to move on.
If your ex is anything like mine you have some wounds that still haven’t healed and some insecurities and trust issues that you aren’t sure will ever fade.
Now if you are anything like me, these problems that plagued your first relationship not only bother you now, but they are starting to rear their ugly heads in your new relationship, hook-up, whatever you wanna call it.
It would be so easy for me to just tell you to “let go of your past” or remind you that “[insert new guy’s name here] is not [insert crappy ex’s name here],” but in reality, no matter how many times someone feeds you these cliché lines you’re never going to actually believe them and consequently, you will never stop comparing your new man to your old one.
What I will sincerely tell you is that this is the worst thing you can do in a relationship.
Not only is your new partner going to resent you for always assuming the worst of them, but one day they’re going to decide that you are just downright crazy and leave and then you are left alone once again.
So how do we combat our mutual craziness and welcome that new love who really is a great guy and exhibits no behavior even comparable to our ex, but we insist to all of our friends that they do... I don’t know. But who does?!
Love is a complicated emotion that does not have an exact science to it.
What I can recommend is the next time you wanna blow up his phone about what he’s doing with the boys, or why he liked that girls Instagram pic, put your phone down because no argument that started over text has ever ended well for anyone.
Just because the last guy only liked the pics of the girls he hooked up with behind your back or was really with Becky with the good hair and not Ricky from down the hall, doesn’t mean that’s how every guy is.
Drop the phone, go for a walk, watch Netflix, talk to your roommate, anything but start an argument. If an hour from now you still think something is wrong, bring it up IN PERSON (note the emphasis on not text fighting — just a little personal lesson learned.)
If you continue to process it and really think about the new guy, you’ll find yourself realizing that the problem isn’t him at all, it’s you. And by allowing yourself to some time to reflect before going on the attack, you’ll be self-taming in no time and beginning to place some genuine trust into your new guy.
For the first time, you’ll actually be able to say you’ve moved on from your past.
If you wanna know how I plan on moving on, I’ll be putting my phone down one day at a time, and I recommend that you do the same.
