Earlier today, I was on Google, because I needed to find out how to make a ceramic mug. I began typing “how to make a” and the first link to show up was “how to get a boy to like you."
So, I clicked on it. Although I was meaning to find mug instructions, what I found instead led me to some serious mean muggin'.
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There were hundreds of links from popular websites and magazines posting advice. The advice was about what preteen, teenage, and college-age girls should do to make boys like them. Many of these involved suggestive, sexual, and strategic games that girls should play to make their crush want to be with them.
These are direct quotes from these so-called “tutorials:"
“Flirt with his friends to make him jealous because guys want what they can’t have.”
“Make him crave your attention by acting flirty and then stop answering his messages.”
“Your appearance matters, so make sure to look your best around him.”
“Find out what he likes and pretend to like the same things.”
“DO NOT be shy or boring. Guys want to be with someone fun.”
For all the girls who are playing hard to get, for all the girls who are wasting their time on random guys just to get attention from the one they really want, and for all the girls who put the one guy who doesn’t care on a pedestal, this is for you.
To the girl who thinks she is not enough:
I needed to hear this. And you do too.
Understand this: you are enough. You are pretty enough. You are smart enough. You are talented enough. You are funny enough. It is truly remarkable how enough you are.
So stop singing the single girl blues and stop romanticizing the chase. You do not want to be chased. You want to be pursued.
Dating in today’s world is complicated. Way more complicated than even in 2002, when Avril Lavigne sang about it. We are either “talking,” “texting,” “Facebook poking,” “Twitter DMing,” or “just hanging out.” We’ve lost the connection and now all we have left is space, enough space that we could collectively fill an entire galaxy. Yet for some reason, we rely on the excuse “I need some space.”
We are frozen in an awkward limbo stage. We all remember the childhood game, Limbo. Sure, it’s fun and exciting at first. But as the game progresses, you fall down further and further, you have no one to lean on but yourself, and you literally lose sight of what you are doing. Rarely does anyone win. Most people just get bored of the game and go to the buffet to get pizza and chips. And that’s what it is like in today's world of dating... kind of.
But here is what I have to tell you that you don’t need to to make him like you.
If he is the one for you, he won’t need reminded about how wonderful you are. He will know.
So to the girl who is stuck pining after the wrong guy: you think he is the right guy for you right now, but if you write down the right qualities you are looking in a relationship… would this guy be left?
You are worth more than "text-ual" invitations after midnight. You are worth more than being stored in his back pocket. You would never keep your wallet out of sight because it might get stolen. If he keeps you in his back pocket, the easiest thing for you to lose is yourself.
Trust me, someone who sticks you in that booty pocket is not your "squat" goals. Your future person won't store you there, because he will keep you close to his heart. So don’t worry about making someone like you. Spend your days figuring out what you like, not who you like.
You don’t need to change your clothes. You don’t need to change your hobbies. You don’t need to change your personality. Because that doesn’t make sense. And trust me, you want to save your cents. So wish Mr. Wrong well and throw those cents into a wishing well, because there is someone out there who will someday make you believe in magic. But most of all, they will believe in you.
God has a plan for you to some day find your perfect sidekick. But in the meantime, don’t let yourself be a side chick.
You are worth much more than that. So understand your worth. Understand how special you are. Understand how much you are loved. Understand that you have a beautiful purpose here on earth. If you can understand all that; if you can understand it with unshakable certainty, then you will find your someone.
Because the secret to getting any guy to like you is that you need to like yourself first.
