Living with an anxiety disorder can be beyond daunting. Every interaction can invoke stress, and any trip out into the world poses challenges in situations that might appear run-of-the-mill to most. Occasionally, anxiety may reduce an ordinarily chipper individual to a withdrawn and nervous shell. As a part of a friend or family member’s support network, we must find ways to cope with the struggles of those we care about. Loving someone who struggles with anxiety can be stressful, but it is a manageable feat. There are a few things we can all do to ensure healthy, positive relationships, regardless of battles with anxiety.
Constant reminders and sentiments help.
Sometimes it’s not enough to say something once or assume your partner knows how you feel about them. Anxiety disorders often trigger self-doubt and can obscure perception of relationships. And besides, reminders of how much you love someone never seem to hurt! Remind your partner or friend that they are worthy of love and attention. Make sure they know how wonderful they are. Never forget to praise or compliment them when appropriate (which is all of the time). By perpetually sending love and supportive words, you can keep anxiety-fueled doubts in check.
Do not enable withdrawal.
One of the worst things someone with anxiety can do is isolate themselves for long periods of time. Needing space is normal and healthy, but going days at a time without social interaction is not good for anyone. Make sure you check in with your loved one every once in a while, to make sure they’ve gotten some fresh air, gone to class, or interacted with a friend. Withdrawal can become a slippery slope, and exacerbates the effects of the anxiety disorders. Suggest cool events they can attend, or a fun restaurant to try out. It’s amazing how much a short walk or a meal out of one’s living space can impact their ability to gain perspective on their predicament.
Help them build solid and plentiful support systems.
Being someone’s only support system can be draining and emotionally cyclical. Helping your loved one build a meaningful and vast support system is effective for many reasons. First off, it relieves the stress of completely supporting another person on your own. Additionally, having several people to turn to in a crisis helps people realize that they are loved and cared for, which is always a wonderful feeling. Creating a diverse and accessible network of support helps all parties in this situation.
Be patient and listen closely.
Irrational behavior and seeing the ones your love struggle can be frustrating to watch. However, dealing with anxiety and healing takes patience on all sides. While you may not understand why your loved one feels a certain way or acts with certain motivations, being tolerant and patient is all a part of loving someone with anxiety. Take the time to understand and empathize. Make the effort to take small steps and listen to the little things. Often times, people may hint at what they want or need, and it is our responsibility to piece the puzzle together. While this should never become a manipulative game, it is difficult to explicitly ask for what we want. For that reason, listen to the hints and do what you can to put that knowledge to good use when your loved one feels overwhelmed by their anxiety.
Understand their triggers.
One of the most complicated elements of living with an anxiety disorder is how quickly feelings can go from manageable to overwhelming. If you can discover what your loved one’s triggers are, you can help them avoid harmful predicaments. For example, if you know that big crowds tend to snowball someone’s anxiety, advising them against going to a large-scale music festival because of the trigger risks could be logical. Considering your loved one’s triggers may also help you avoid saying or doing things that may prompt their angst or cause them to withdraw. Never pry, but if your loved one feels comfortable enough to disclose things that bother them, log that information in your Rolodex of things to avoid.
Be honest.
This is one is short and simple. Always be honest with your loved one. If they sense you are being dishonest with them, it will only make their anxiety and distrust more severe. Stay true to yourself and admit when you’re wrong. Tell your loved one how you feel. Do not divert from what makes you authentically you to appeal to the needs of others.
Take care of yourself.
Honestly, there is no way to effectively help another person without making sure you are taken care of first. If you fail to hold down your own fort, you cannot safely harbor anyone else. I will once again quote the always relevant Ru Paul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” Make sure you use your own support systems as a resource, and take the time to assess your own mental health. Running on empty helps no one, and maintaining healthy relationships requires both giving and getting. Love yourself first, and then take care to send that love out into the world.
