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Politics and Activism

7 Simple Ways To Lose Your Significant Other

Bonus points if you challenge them to leave.

Danielle Smar

Sep 19, 2016

Indiana State University

7 Simple Ways To Lose Your Significant Other

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1. Pick apart everything they do.

Everything you once found charming or endearing is now intolerable. The way this person chews their food, the way they snort when they laugh, it's your least favorite things about them now. Bonus points if you pick and choose when these things bother you.

2. Convince yourself that they only care about their own thoughts and needs.

Assume everything they told you in the beginning was a lie. Anytime they do anything remotely selfish, allow yourself to strengthen that assumption. Bonus points if you work it into an argument that has nothing to do with selfishness.

3. Stop communicating.

Stop vocalizing your thoughts and feelings (they don't matter anyway, right?). Stop vocalizing your appreciation as well. Bonus points if you tell them you guys "don't feel right" or you feel like something is "different" or "off."

4. Stop caring.

Let a couple of texts go unanswered. Hell, silence your phone. Stop checking to see if they texted back. Stop caring if they call you before bed. Use a lot of phrases like, "That's nice" or "Cool." Bonus points if you tell them, "You just don't care anymore." Projection is key.

5. Walk away.

Tell them you can't do this anymore. Bonus points if you challenge them to leave instead. Extra bonus points if they do.

6. Realize you were wrong.

You took a good thing and turned it into something unrecognizable. This person was more than just a checklist of things you wanted. This person was all about "the little things" and appreciated you. This person wasn't just another bandage for your loneliness. This person chose you everyday and you treated them like they were just a stepping stone on your path. Resent yourself because of what you did. Bonus points if you text them at 2 A.M. spilling your guts to them and telling them how stupid you were.

7. Try to win them back.

Realize you both have faults. Realize how much of a coward you were. Realize that this person may not give you a chance. Bonus points if they do.

Extra bonus points if you reach this step before step five.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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7 Simple Ways To Lose Your Significant Other

Bonus points if you challenge them to leave.

1. Pick apart everything they do.

2. Convince yourself that they only care about their own thoughts and needs.

3. Stop communicating.

4. Stop caring.

5. Walk away.

6. Realize you were wrong.

7. Try to win them back.

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For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

27. When you get assigned the most incompetent group of people possible for a group project.

28. I need a comfort dog so I can avoid all life and school responsibilities.

"A Christmas Story" is the star on top of the tree.

Who isn't stressing out over finals right now?

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