Welcome to the ultimate guide on the most common DO NOT's when planning to keep a man around. This is gospel, ladies! Unless you're so not into him, then you can totally pull an Annie Anderson from the romantic comedy How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and completely ruin his, life, experience of dating, boner, etc.
Now ladies, if you read this and find yourself saying, "Dear God, what have I been doing all this time", do not fret. You are not alone and you have nothing to be completely and utterly ashamed of, we've all been there. The important thing is that we learn from these childish and crazy antics. Remember, everything in the past male related—whether it be a hard break up or constant ignoring and avoiding—it was all a learning experience at the expense of a man. So let's begin.
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1. Try talking to him constantly for no real reason.
This is a huge one ladies, and one many of us may not have the emotional capacity to refrain from. Men, in general, aren't exactly into the whole electronic device thing unless it has something to do with sports, game of thrones or video games. Even if you come across the rare man that is into texting and is into being on his mobile device, he probably isn't into wanting to talk to you 24/7. The need to talk to a man shows neediness, and they do not want or need to be needed all the time. A man could be head over heels for you, but if you overdo it with the needless conversations, it could throw him off the deep end and potentially cause him to think you are the clingy type. And let's face it, not even a woman likes that, which brings me to my next DO NOT…
2. Get clingy.
Need I say more? No man desires being chased, but rather to be the chaser. For some reason, humans are genetically modified to want what they cannot have, to die for those who don't pay us any mind, and when they begin to, we are immediately ONTO THE NEXT ONE. What’s more fun than the absence of acknowledgment from someone we are infatuated with? NOTHING! IT’S WHAT WE LIVE FOR! WE ARE PERPETUALLY F*CKED!
3. Let your insecurities control you.
Listen, ladies, I know we all have them. But this is your excuse to pose as a bad bitch. I don't care if behind closed doors you are not, you better put on those stilettos, and flip that hair bitch because YAS QUEEN. Men like women that stand tall and have their heads held high. If you cannot at least be the confident woman that every woman should be (Damn you social constructs! Damn you to hell!), you cannot expect anyone to be confident in you. To be unsure of yourself is allowing others to be unsure of you as well, and that will NOT be tolerated. If you have insecurities, learn how to love them before expecting anyone else to love them. So in a nutshell, love yourself, and at all times think “Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna.”
4. Use the baby voice.
I don’t know where this misconception of baby voices being “cute” for girls over the age of 9 came to be, but let me save you the suspense—don’t f*cking do it. Baby voices are exclusively for babies to use, not grown women. How are you about to sit there looking at a man's hand and shoe size one minute and the next talk to him in a baby voice? Men don't like it, and they never will. They use protection for a reason.
5. Have unrealistically high expectations.
I am not saying lower your standards, but maybe minimize them a smidgen. Not every guy thinks like Nicolas Sparks novel, but that in no way lessens their affection towards you. Gifts, romantic lines, romantic scenarios, and ridiculous amounts of romantic gestures do may not always be a true representation of a man’s love for you. Men have different ways of showing affection than women do, and that is okay. Just remember, think realistically because not every man is Matthew McConaughey or Ryan Reynolds.
6. Play dumb.
You have absolutely NO reason to intentionally make yourself look stupid in front of a man. Men appreciate brains and intelligent women. This may come as a shock to many people nowadays, but an intellectual conversation is desired.
7. Never put your phone down.
Men appreciate women who are present in the moment. Being on your phone all the time is a major sign of disinterest. Nothing in your phone can be important enough to warrant anyone to stare at for more than 10-15 minutes at a time. I guess I’ll never get a boyfriend! IT’S FINE! REALLY, IT IS!
8. Take on the stereotypical "crazy girl" persona.
No matter what the situation, never go full crazy. Craziness isn't attractive to anyone. Men appreciate women who can keep a level head in situations that call for craziness. This shows maturity and control which they need to be reassured of, just in case something between the two of you goes bump in the night.
9. Try making him jealous.
Ok, so the common misconception of trying to make him jealous to get his attention and wake him up is and always will be a myth. Trying to make a guy jealous will, in fact, get their attention, but it’s also a HUGE turn off and will only allow them to funnel their attention to another woman. Not only that, but a man likes to know that your capability of flirting with anyone but him is nonexistent, not possible, feudal, impossible!
10. Get jealous yourself.
There are many beautiful women out there, but that does not mean you are not one of them. Unless your man is showing serious and chronic signs of infidelity of any kind, you have no reason to be jealous. Just because he has a friendly conversation with a girl, bite your tongue, and don’t try to severely injure her, because chances are, it’s not that deep. If you continue to stay confident and show your man that he can't get what he already has anywhere else, he will begin to believe it, and jealousy will no longer be an option for either of you. I know it is hard, and jealousy is human nature, but please try to refrain. The next time he likes a girls picture on Instagram, stay calm (destroy his life verbally), he could just like the way the background looks (he’s cheating on you). You have to be mature about this kind of stuff (make him cry), because he is with you for a reason (remind that MF). Kidding! Be good ladies, be good.
