I love Oregon. I love walking up to the cash register to buy Rosie the Riveter socks or a "Star Wars" Lego set and paying exactly how much is on the price tag. I love the coffee stands on every other block. Most of all, I love Oregonians.
Oregonians are the best. They're nice. When you need to cross a busy street, they actually stop. They’re athletic. They're always hiking or biking or planting trees. They're cool. Can't you just picture them chilling at hip pubs, relaxing beside outdoor fireplaces, having rad conversations about the Pacific Northwest, Bernie Sanders, and their own home brewed kombucha?
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California is nice and all, but it’s just not Oregon. When I tell an Oregonian that I’m from California, their reaction always looks like this: Polite smile and head bob, accompanied by a slightly too high-pitched “Oh, nice." Try as they might to disguise it, it's always there: The you're-not-from-Oregon-so-you're-not-quite-as-cool-as-you-could-be-but-I'll-still-be-nice-to-you look of judgement. I’m always quick to assure Oregonians that I’m from Northern California, but the damage is done. I may go to school here and all, but I'm not a real Oregonian.
Determined to overcome those awkward California stereotypes (yes, we get snow, and heads up, I've probably been to the beach less times than you have), I’ve studied about my friends from up north. My mission? To figure out how to be as effortlessly chill and progressive as an authentic Oregonian.
Here’s what two and a half years of college in this beautiful state has taught me. Here’s how to look like an Oregonian.
1. Ask about vegan options insistently wherever you go.
This is a subtle way of shouting that you are super environmental and compassionate.
2. Three words: Socks with sandals.
Especially Chaco's.
3. Got hair? Wear it in a bun.
Expert tip: Pair with a big flannel and a thermos of fancy coffee you drink from during the middle of your classes.
4. Be overly into Fred Meyers.
I've tried telling many an Oregonian that Fred Meyers isn't that great to no avail. It's some sort of Oregon cult thing.
5. Carry a musical instrument.
Guitar, banjo, canjo, ukulele, accordion, dulcimer—if you can play it, carry it. Don't play an instrument? You're really missing the point here, which is that doing this instantly makes you more artsy and aloof. AKA more Oregonian. You'll also be a hit at parties, even if you just play the same three chords over and over and over and over.
6. Transport all liquids in a glass mason jar or a Hydroflask.
Bonus: Put that cute little Oregon sticker with the green heart that Oregonians are so proud of on your bottle.
7. Sport a tattoo!
Especially one related to nature or with the words, "Not all who wander are lost."
8. Don a look ranging from mild apprehension to absolute terror when forced to confront the greatest obstacle an Oregonian ever has to face: Pumping their own gas.
9. Bike. Everywhere.
10. Be totally prepared for all of the weather.
Zip up your black North Face jacket and enjoy the free entertainment of Californians wailing like melting popsicles against the mini hurricane that popped up during the middle of a perfectly sunny, beautiful day.
11. Drive a (preferably forest green) Subaru.
Obviously not all Oregonians do, but I feel like most of them would if they could, and that’s what really matters.
12. Be perpetually a little annoyed at Californians.
They're not really doing anything wrong, per se. But still.
13. Be really proud of your state.
As an authentic Oregonian, you’re a rare, majestic creature. The rest of the world is more than a little jealous, and you know it.
