I have been doing things for others my entire life.
Just about every decision I’ve ever made has been based off what my family/friends/ex-classmates/ in-laws/co-workers thought, or would think. I’m a person who has always wanted to be liked by everyone I meet and I am a person who seeks the highest level of approval from my family.
I'm the girl who waits to visit the clearance section until the woman who’s currently browsing is finished because I don’t want to be in her way. I'm the girl who takes a job because she’s too nice to turn it down when a friend of my family offers it. I'm the girl panicking before hanging out with new people because I'm scared they won't think I'm funny. I'm the girl sucking up to someone who dislikes me because the idea they don't makes me insane. I’m the girl who will stick to something I hate because it’s easier to be miserable than disappoint my family.
Yes it’s a bit much. But after this many years, I don’t know how to do anything else.
So if you’re like me and aren’t quite sure how to transition out of this insanity, join me. Take my hand, say excuse me to the people you push passed to get here, and let’s do this.
Step One: Goals
I have taken jobs, enrolled in schools, picked majors- based solely on what people around me thought I would be good at. Please tell me I’m not the only one (seriously, it can’t be just me…right?!). It’s not like my family forces me into things, I simply just don’t know how to say no when offered a seemingly good opportunity. I never take the time to figure out what I want. If my mom/grandma/teacher/ friend thinks I’d be a dang good collector/ hairdresser/ retail manager/ bank teller they must know what’s best for me, right?!
Wrong!
It’s taken many failed jobs and two failed educations to figure out that no, they really don’t know what’s best for me, although they truly want what's best for me.
Take the time and think about what you want to do. The age old question: if money wasn’t an issue and you could spend a day doing anything you wanted, what would it be?Seriously think about it. Make lists of your likes, dislikes and passions. Think about what worked and didn't work for you at past jobs. Figure out what you can do with it; map out steps to get where you want to be and start setting those goals for you and only you.
Step Two: Don’t be Afraid
Afraid to say no. Afraid to quit your day job. Afraid to switch majors. Afraid to take the first step towards your big picture. Fear will be your greatest roadblock, at least I know it’s been mine. If you can conquer fear itself, its all sunshine and rainbows (okay and maybe a little bit of hard work, bloodshed, and tears) from here on out.
Yes, I know reality isn’t easy to confront. Coming face to face with your fears is never as easy as it sounds. For a long time telling my family, "I'm going to give up this opportunity at a stable and financially secure career to pursue a writing career", was at the very top of my list of "Things I am dreading and must do and need to stop finding ways to get out of," but I did it. After they coped with the fact they wouldn't reap the benefits of me being a hairstylist, they supported me 100%.
We all have fears. We have gotten used to sticking to the status quo and pleasing others. It may feel physically/emotionally impossible to conquer those fears- but it’s not. Nothing is impossible! Never say never! Don’t give up- or any other motivational cliche proves that you can do anything, with a little effort.
Step three: Take the Leap!
Jump–far and fast towards your first step in that shiny new goal you came up with all on your own, with zero regard of people’s opinions. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you’ll be criticized anyway."
People will always have an opinion.
People will always have their own ideas of what you should be doing.
People will always judge you for your choices.
People will always talk.
So make it your mission to give them something to talk about. Prove that their ideas are just that: ideas.
Conquer the world and leave them all speechless. Make them say,
"Wow, they really do know what they’re doing. I guess I was wrong."
