It's easy for me to think that because I'm hitting my twenties, I'm behind romantically. Especially when people around me are entering serious relationships, getting engaged, or even married. I've tried putting in some initiative and had some failed dating attempts and I've tried to just let the chips fall where they may and wound up pretty lonely. Any mistake I've made has brought me closer to figuring out what I need. And I've figured out that loneliness isn't that bad if I let myself be good company. And through all of it, I'm discovering that I'll know when it's my time.
Love doesn't have an expiration date. I'm not behind, and people already madly in love aren't ahead. We're all on different paths with different destinations. Comparing my life to others' only makes me miserable. There isn't any one aspect of my life I should rush.
As with all things, finding "the one" will just be a thing that happens when it's supposed to and I'll be able to feel it. I've always paid a lot of attention to how people around me make me feel, and there are really rare occasions where the vibe is immediately electrifying.
1. My head and my heart will finally be in agreement about something
I always find myself getting in my head, or my heart takes full control of a situation and my head. They hardly ever work together to establish a happy medium where love and logic work together to make sure I'm happy. When I've found the person who is sensible and who my heart beats out of my chest for, I'll know he's the one person for me.
2. I won't have to hold myself back
I know I can be a lot sometimes. My friends and family are all too aware of how extra I can get. They bring it out of me because they love it. But around some people, I get nervous and can't be myself. I think I'll know right away who I can be my whole entire self around. They won't want me to be any other way.
3. I'll want to be my best self
Because he'll deserve the best of me. I won't change anything about myself that I wouldn't on my own, but I'll grow with the person I'm meant to be with. It's always bothered me when people think they have to completely change themselves or the person they're with so they can be happy, but I understand that growth is a part of life. Nothing stays the same, and it shouldn't.
4. I won't be afraid to cry
This one is huge for me. I can be such an emotional person, but I find myself holding back my tears if I have the slightest inkling I'll be judged. I've only cried in front of a few family members and even fewer friends. This is the ultimate way I can tell if I'm completely comfortable with someone. I want to be with someone who isn't afraid of feelings. There's a beauty to vulnerability and I want to have that.
5. He'll match my excitement level
The most gut-wrenching, soul-crushing thing I've experienced is having people I really care about making me feel pathetic for caring about something. I want someone to love the way my eyes light up when I hear a song I really like, or when I gush about my day. I get excited really easily about the smallest stuff, and maybe that is pathetic. But the right person will understand that I show my love by expressing my passions, even the smallest ones.
6. I'll tell him EVERYTHING
This ties into the last one. With how easily entertained I get, it's easy for me to ramble about things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but that are important to me. The guy who's right for me won't mind carrying a conversation on for forever. I don't want to ever feel like either one of us is being ridiculous just because we really care about something.
7. My wildest dreams will seem attainable
This may be naive of me to think, but I want to be with someone who makes me feel like nothing is impossible. I guess that just means I want to be encouraged, which I would hope isn't a crazy idea. And I hope I give someone else that sense too. We should be a family that reaches for the stars. I was raised with the belief that I'm capable of anything as long as I think I am, and I want that mindset to carry me through the rest of my life.
8. I won't ever be embarrassed
We all deserve to have someone in our lives that we completely trust. I want to be able to relax and know that I have one person who loves me enough to accept every part of who I am. I don't want to take life too seriously with the person I'll be spending all of it with. I want to be able to make an ass of myself, or sing horribly in the car with full confidence, or burn an entire dinner shamelessly and fearlessly.
9. I'll want to spend all my time with him, but we'll both know that can't happen
The healthiest relationships are built on trust. I think part of that is understanding that you can be individuals and trust that when you're not together the bond is still there. There's nothing wrong with having full lives outside of one another; friendships, careers, and separate interests. I never want to forget who I was before I was with someone else because I'm a big fan of her.
10. I'll never be bored
I don't do well with not having something to fill my time. It's really easy to keep me entertained, so this isn't asking much of someone. And yet I've been out with guys who have left me wondering if I still had a pulse by the end of the night. I just want to be able to laugh nonstop or have a deep conversation that gets my wheels turning. When given the chance, I can talk for hours about the wildest things — aliens, the afterlife, songs I'm listening to, you name it. I've managed to stay amused without having someone around all the time, so I'm definitely not about to have less fun when there's someone else in the picture.
11. I'll never have to lie because the truth will always be okay
I hate lying, and that's a really good thing because I'm so bad at it. I don't want to ever feel like I can't be honest with the person I love, no matter how little the issue is. I want to feel confident that we can just laugh it off or communicate well enough for everything to work out. I feel really anxious about the future when I see people in relationships getting by on little fibs because I never want to take life so seriously that I think the truth will do that much damage.
12. Everything will be better
I think this thought has sprung from the idealistic side of my brain that is covered in glitter and wild daisies, but I'm gonna go with it. All our lives we're taught that love is the most powerful force in the world and that it conquers all. So for me, that always meant that when I'm in love, everything will be better than it's ever been. My favorite songs will sound better, my favorite foods taste better, and my favorite flowers smell better. I think I connect all those senses with the butterflies in the stomach or fireworks that people are always talking about. That's the feeling I've been waiting for and I really hope I don't have to settle.
13. I'll laugh my ridiculous laugh and he'll love it
Ya know how Jimmy Fallon laughs at basically everything? Well, same. That's probably why he's my favorite person on TV. I think my favorite thing in the entire world is laughter and I want my life to be so full of it. Laughter is like music in the way that it fills the world with color that you can hear. As an optimist, I choose to let things be funny instead of inconvenient or a mistake. Life, in general, can just be funny sometimes.
14. He won't be my other half
It's honestly gross to refer to someone's partner as their "other half" or "better half." As if they weren't a whole person before. Everyone builds a life for themselves before someone, and then there are add-ons to that if you choose to bring someone else into it. I want to be in a unit of two whole people who have formed one love and one family, but also as two people who completely know who they are outside of one another.
15. I won't be looking for him
I don't think you can track love down and pack it up to take it home. It has a way of getting to you when you need it, whether you know you do or not. Any searching I've done was not with the intention of finding "the one," but more to figure out what's best for me. I'm hoping that there's a higher power in charge of making sure each person finds who they're meant to be with forever when they're in the right place mentally and physically to take on such a serious commitment. I don't think age or time has anything to do with it, its all about personal growth and development.
