Toxic people can be found just about anywhere, but in a college environment these people seem to thrive. It may be a byproduct of stress, pressure, responsibilities or extrinsic factors that influences these individuals to act in this way; however, this by no means excuses their toxic behaviors and attitudes which impacts the people that are supposed to be closest to them: their friends.
1. They are naggingly judgmental.
Their opinion is the only opinion, if you do not agree then, well, you are just wrong.
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I have yet to meet a person in this world who actually likes the feeling of being judged. The feeling of being put under a lens — a pressure to be perfect. We all struggle under the weight of other people's opinions and we want to perform our best to make our loved ones happy; however, you cannot turn a blind eye to when the judgmental person starts to drain you or begins to demoralize you as an individual. These people can easily zap you of positive energy and can quickly make you just as miserable as they are. These people have a nasty tendency to argue with you over anything and everything. They do not consider or even give you the chance to explain your perspective, opinions, or even the concrete facts. These people tend to exhibit instances of explosive anger and depressive attitudes which are detrimental to a friendship if these behaviors are frequent enough.
2. They are frequently selfish for superficial reasons.
They use you for personal gain. These people tend to stay until they have worn you down and milked you for all that you are worth. They usually find an excuse to leave if they do not perceive you to be valuable or useful to them anymore. These people tend to make you just feel like just another pretty face in a selfie and not a person of particular importance. They may pay more attention to their social media instead of the to the person sitting right in front of them. Additionally, these people tend to act invested in helping you with your personal issues just to gossip about them with others later on.
3. They are not interested in being empathetic.
These people tend to lack an aspect of emotional intelligence — the ability to "level” with people. As human beings we innately crave love and understanding — when we do not achieve these from the relationships that we form we can easily become depressed. Your friends should be understanding, encouraging and willing to listen to what you have to say no matter what.
4. They are consistently unsupportive.
You grow accustomed to hearing “Why would you want to do that? Do you not want to get anywhere in life?” These people like to shit on your dreams and creativity. They discourage you from pursuing the things you find interesting, appealing and fun. They seem to want you to become a carbon copy of themselves, perhaps because they view you to be a threat. They might begin to further discourage you by calling you names or by labeling you. You might try to shake it off for the sake maintaining the friendship, but that is a mistake.
5. They are unfamiliar with the concept of having an "attitude of gratitude."
These people are usually so worried about how others perceive them or about their performance in some aspect of their life that they neglect to see what they are blessed with, thus losing sight of themselves. These people are usually chronically stressed out about something or other. The pressure that they put on themselves can negatively impact your friendship because they can (consciously or subconsciously) convey that pressure onto you. They fail to see that sometimes you need to let go, relax, have faith in themselves, and be thankful for what they have or have already accomplished.
6. They are forever attempting “one-up” you.
Everything seems like a contest with these people. Who got the best grade? Who made Dean’s List? Who made President's List? Give me a break. I guarantee you that 10 years down the line none of that will matter. Don’t get me wrong, goals are important but you should not take it to such extremes where you are making other people feel like crap or excluded. You should strive to be friends with those who do not undermine your accomplishments and who are faithful in the fact that you will get your shit done in order to be just as, or if not more successful than they are.
7. They refuse to change.
These people think that their shit smells like roses. They usually convey an attitude of infallibility and as a result they project all of their "hidden" insecurities onto you. This toxic attitude can negatively impact you which is by no means fair or okay. They do not acknowledge the fact that as humans we are constantly changing and trying to make improvement on ourselves for the better. Usually, when a person refuses to make changes to themselves it means that they are either hiding from themselves or their own problems, trying to maintain consistency in their lives, or maybe perhaps they are actually that vain.
8. They focus on everything that you lack and not what you bring to the table.
These people make you feel like you do not measure up. You could do everything in your power to please them but the reality is that these people are usually insatiable. They tend to turn a blind eye to your accomplishments and instead continually focus on what you could have done better. Instead, try focusing your energy on the people who make you happy and engage in activities that fill you will joy.
I ask you to consider the power of influence. How do you want people to feel when they talk to you? How do you want to be treat others? How do you want others to treat you? Consider this the next time that you begin a friendship.
