For all of us college kids, although we have freedom away from telling our parents where we're going or who we're with at whatever time of the day, most of us we still have some level of accountability to them. For me, my parents are paying my tuition and anything school related like housing, books, and (generously) even my sorority fees. Although not having these big financial responsibilities is a blessing to a broke sophomore with no job and no management skills, I do have to stay accountable to them about grades and money and actually staying in school.
In college, my parents can't ground me for getting an F on a math test, or take away my keys when I want to go out instead of studying for that Spanish test, but this doesn't mean that they can't reprimand me for it.
In college, I'm living on my own time and my own schedule, but I could always end up with that Sunday night phone call with my Dad's angry voice telling me he's disappointed in me... Ouch.
As usual, this type of situation - dealing with the balance of freedom and accountability - can get pretty tricky when it comes to the parent-daughter/son relationship. So I've decided to give parents some tips on how to deal with their college kids.
1. Let us fail!
Your fear that we won't be successful tells us that you think we aren't capable. Show us that you believe in us by letting us try things on our own. Yes, you know we're going to fail in some areas or some certain tasks, but PLEASE let us try. We can't learn if you don't let us make mistakes.
2. Be there in every way you can think of to listen to us.
We have listened to you and learned from you our whole lives. Now we need you to just listen to us as we go through maybe the biggest growth time of our lives. This shows that you accept and respect us for the young adults that we now are.
3. Never stop telling us you love us.
We still need to hear it and see it in your texts, your care packages, your Facebook posts, whatever. Even if we put on an act that we don't need to hear you say it, we're just pretending. We want to be "grown ups" who can take care of ourselves, but we are not quite there yet and it helps to have a cheering section at home.
4. Challenge us to be the very best version of ourselves.
You know us and you believe in our potential more than anyone. Don't try so much to be our "friend" that you are afraid to be our parents. Remind us of what we stand for and what you've always taught us. There are a lot of challenges to our beliefS here in college and we can get confused, sometimes too easily.
5. Allow us to grow up and move away from home.
This might go slowly or more quickly, but please allow us to set the pace. That's really what a parent's measure of success is, right? To raise their children to grow into adults who are capable of taking care of themselves? It might feel good to be needed because everyone wants that; but we need to know you're okay while we are out doing our "growing up thing".
And then you'll not only still be our parents, but you'll be our go-to when we're struggling with this new-found life of ours. We need you - even if we don't act like it - but we need all of you. Not just the parents and not just the friends. We need you as the boss, the banker, the enforcer, the role model, the #1 fan, the challenger, and the unconditional love-giver.
Your children will thank you later.
