Depression often gets thrown around to describe temporary, sub-par emotions. In truth, depression is a disease characterized by prolonged feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, and can have many different kinds of physical symptoms, such as losing interest in the things you once loved doing, drastic changes in your sleeping and/or eating patterns, fatigue, and in the worst cases, suicide. Depression isn’t just prolonged sadness either; it is feeling pessimistic, helpless, and guilty without any real prospect of hope. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain that can stay with someone for the rest of their lives.
It is extremely difficult to see someone you love going through depression. When I found out my best friend was suffering from depression I felt a bit lost and hopeless myself. I had never really known anyone else with it and TV doesn’t do an accurate job at depicting it. It has been about six years now, and I’ve learned a lot from loving her, but I cannot claim to be an expert. I can only help to offer some help, especially since people show different symptoms and experience different types of depression.
The biggest thing is to listen. Communication is always the main part of any relationship, but when someone is fighting such a personal battle, you need to know what they personally need. Whether it’s a movie night or just doing work next to each other, make sure they know they're not a burden, that they’re loved, and that you're there for them. Respect their wishes if they ask for secrecy unless you believe they are a danger to themselves. If the threat isn’t immediate, talk to someone you trust; if it is call 911. Always encourage them to ask for help from someone they trust, such as a school counselor, a religious figure, a parent, a family friend, a doctor, or a therapist if they haven’t already.
When listening, don’t just let them know that you are there for them, don’t just give them sympathy, try your very best to empathize with them and let them know that their troubles and concerns are valid. Don’t ever tell someone suffering from depression that others have it worse. Their concerns are just as real and serious to them and it doesn’t help the situation if you blow them off. There will always be someone who has it “worse,” but their confiding in you is a call for help that they wish to get better. A lot of people are very reluctant to talk about having depression because society doesn’t take it as seriously as it should, and they don’t want to bother others with their problems. Telling them that their concerns are not serious, not only makes them feel guiltier about asking for your help, but makes them distrust you.
It is important to know that someone with depression can have good days. They can even appear normal to the people who are close to them. That does not mean that are not suffering. It is also important to understand that they are not asking for attention. Depression is a disease like any other. It cannot be cured with logic, praying more, or telling them to “just be more positive.” There is no magic pill or ritual that will magically make them better. This is a complex problem that is unique to each individual, caused by a bunch of intertwining events, people, and bodily inner-workings.
Don't forget to take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty for setting boundaries and taking time for yourself. You alone cannot cure them, and you can't be much help if you're having your own major problems. In the end, you both love and take care of each other. It’s not easy when someone you love has depression, but it’s harder on them if you aren't there for them.
