The concept of love is one of the most intricate and abstruse things to exist. Falling in love with another person can be one of the most refreshing experiences ever. That indescribable connection and emotional intimacy are absolutely beautiful, and everyone longs to have that, whether they want to admit it or not.

Sometimes, however, we fall in love and allow these beautiful feelings to blind us from all the toxic elements that are damaging who we are as individuals. Many of us are very broken. We are broken people with dark pasts... a past that hides within the shadows of depression, anxiety, and insecurity. If you are one of those struggling with a shattered history, perhaps you are familiar with everything I am about to discuss. Perhaps you will recognize what it feels like to fall for someone who is incapable of reciprocating the same love back to you. And perhaps you already convinced yourself that all of your failed relationships can be justified through your psychological instability and therefore makes you impossible to be loved.

If you are one of those people, there is so much you are missing to help you realize none of that is true.

"Skinny love" is a term popularized by singer Bon Iver who sang a song with the title of the same name to delineate love between two people that is no longer the same as it once was. One line in particular states, "And in the morning I'll be with you, but it'll be a different kind." Often times, relationships begin with mutual attraction, but skinny love can become a pervading interference within the relationship when the pages are turning, but neither seem to remain in sync with one another.

This entails a lot of miscommunication and lack of empathy. You cry out for help or speak out against something that is triggering you, but your partner cannot keep up. Your partner cannot deal with the constant worries or your constant need for reassurance. This, of course, turns into inconsistency. Your partner will tell you that they love you and they want to be with you, but their actions never match their words.

When the time comes to really show how much they love you by being there for you in time of need, they shut you out. You are ignored and pushed away.

And now, you are a burden.

The love that you thought was once there is so different. It is depleting right before your eyes, and your earth is shattering right in front of you.

The reason behind your guilt is because you feel you are exerting all your problems on your significant other, and they are unable to put up with them. Many times, though, you are not doing this. You are not just dumping all your issues on someone else in the hope they will disappear (I am not saying this does not happen, because it does, and that is toxic in itself). Instead, you are struggling.

You are struggling to find peace within your own identity, and your mind is overwhelmed with circulating thoughts that never seem to make any sense. This is why you need that reassurance. This is why you confide in the person you are in love with. When they cannot give you any of this, it is not because you cannot be loved. It is because they do not possess the emotional maturity or emotional intellect to validate your thought processes. They are not psychologically developed enough themselves to commit to sticking by you through it all.

And no, I am not saying you should ever be solely dependent on someone else to be happy. I am not saying your significant other should be your therapist. That is not what I mean at all. I am saying the person that truly loves you will go out of their way to always make sure you are OK and communicate with you to aid in your healing process.

Coming to terms with aspects of toxicity in a relationship are enigmatic when you feel so strongly for someone. They do not begin to surface until you are already enduring traumatic heartache - when you finally reflect on all the toxic things that happened throughout the time you were in love.

That being said, I want to accentuate how important it is to not hold anger or resentment toward those that hurt you.

Yes, your heart is in pieces and you are trying to put these pieces back together again. Yes, you may have lost hope in love and relationships altogether. BUT, whether you want to come to terms with it or not, that person aroused love out of you. That person taught you how to love for a certain period of time and someday, you will love again, but this time, it will last. And it will be full.

Broken individuals come from a deeply visceral place that forms an ontological complexity between two lovers. They are instinctual and impulsive in the way they go about their feelings, which may complicate things in the relationship. This is where emotional maturity becomes prominent. One day, you will find that person. You will find that person that has a high level of emotional intelligence that fully understands how you feel and addresses all the things you say in effective and healthy ways. Unfortunately, your heartaches are the result of a deficit of emotional understanding, but there are many people you just haven't met yet that are so emotionally advanced beyond words.

You, me, and so many other people in this world are in a process of healing. We have been shut out, let down with no closure, and hurt time and time again and completely convinced ourselves we just are not good enough. But in reality, it is them who are not good enough for us. It is very possible to judiciously and empathetically handle emotional life and it is very possible for you to be loved.