After sitting through weeks and weeks of interpersonal communication theory lectures on romantic relationships, I've come to find that its time a new book be written to really explain the bullshit that our generation is now experiencing when it comes to romantic relationships.
It's a fact that dating just isn't what it used to be. It used to be less complicated, more straightforward, more reliable, easier to navigate. It was all the things you ran around imagining love as when you were little. It was a world without Tinder, Snapchat and text messaging. It was a good, old-fashioned, call your landline to let you know i'll pick you up at 8, kind of thing. It was something people had explained to me for years as being a fun time I should look forward to.
Recommended for you
I can tell you a few things my mother and older sisters didn't explain to me about dating when I was younger and that includes concepts such as "the hook-up culture", "ghosting" and the "we're just talking/situationship" relationship. I can also tell you why they didn't explain these things to me…THEY DIDN'T EXIST.
So here I am, growing up with parents who were high school sweethearts (who, by the way, will soon be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary) thinking, "Damn, I want that someday". I ran around as a little girl, and well, into my early teen years, with stars in my eyes thinking about love and when I'd be lucky enough to say I was in it.
Then it happened for me.
It was part what I imagined it to be, but it was also part something I would have never expected. It was fireworks fueled by the expectations I had been anticipating happening to me since I was little girl. It was young love that eventually lost its flame, as most do nowadays, but it was an experience, a very real experience.
It just wasn't the experience I would have predicted after hearing about and watching my parents' love story. So, I set out to find something better, more mature, and more fulfilling.
And this is where all of my expectations were shaken and told to get real.
I was thrust into the modern dating scene, where exclusivity and committed relationships go to die. Call me dramatic, but I can guarantee you my ten year old self would be so disappointed to know how many times I've burned someone else and been burned myself by "the situationship".
A "situationship" is defined by Aidan Neal as, "Basically a pseudo-relationship. A placebo masking itself as a formative relationship. It smells like a relationship, it sorta looks like a relationship, and it may even feel like one, but it’s not". Its when you care about someone enough to go out with them from time to time, hook up with them, have deep, meaningful and everyday conversations with them, but will not give them any inkling that they actually mean something to you or even consider becoming "official" with them.
Could this be because we're constantly exposed to our other options through so many different physical and online portals and we attach ourselves to the concept that "the grass is always greener on the other side"?
And what do people do when they realize the grass is greener on the other side in this day and age? They lock up the fling that once was and throw away the key. They "ghost" their partner and disappear without a trace, leaving questions unanswered without a care in the world.
So here we are, wondering how we can get back on our feet after being knocked down by a relationship that has ended before it even had the chance to begin. Here is how you bounce back from the dreaded situationship:
First, the most important thing you can do from the get-go to avoid this altogether, is by accepting reality for what it really is. After a first date or first meaningful night with a person, do not go home and fantasize about what could be. Its unfair to place these expectations on someone you've just connected with. Good things and great relationships take time to blossom, so relax your mind until you know for sure.
Next, if you've already developed feelings for this person and you can tell after some time that they've marked your bond with them as a situationship, get the hell out of there. Reserve your feelings for someone who is actually going to put in the effort and acknowledge the bond you share, someone who can't wait to show you off to the world.
Lastly, learn to accept (despite what this article has you feeling about the future of dating) that sometimes the universe has a way of pulling you away from something you think you want so badly and pushing you into something else, something much better, that you've deserved all along.
