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Health and Wellness

How To Get A Beach Body For The Summer

My new regimen will have you swimsuit ready in no time.

Caroline Hawthorne

Jun 01, 2016

Oklahoma City University

blog.panamajack.com

Ahhh, it's that time of the year again: summer. A time to show off yourself at the two piece bikini. As a person who barely exercises and has the eating habits of a 5 year old, I am the expert on how to get a bikini worthy body. Here is the track plan to get the bod of your dreams:

1. Admit that you don't exercise enough.

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C'mon, it's okay to admit that you should spend a bit more time doing cardio or lifting weights. But you need to start if you want to have the freaking abs of the screaming people on the covers of Insanity.

2. Start to plan your meals.

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An important part of getting the body you want is to cut out sugar and carbs. Start to plan your meals so you can save time, and can make sure you don't go astray.

3. Realize that even the foods you thought were good for you are bad for you.

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Seriously, even a Clif Bar has 22 grams of sugar. If you look on CalorieCounter, it claims that eating carrots are bad for you, because the sugar level is too high.

4. Cry because you realize the only good thing to eat is lettuce

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You're going to have to eat a salad for lunch. You're going to become one of those people.

5. Start going to the gym.

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Get up early, put on clothes that you don't mind getting down and dirty in, and arrive to the gym.

6. Realize that everyone at the gym knows what they're doing, but you don't.

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What the hell do these machines do? Why is that ripped guy doing that with the machine when you were doing it another way?

7. Feel embarrassed because you can only stay on the treadmill for about 5 minutes.

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Let's be realistic: hell isn't flames flying everywhere. It's a never-ending treadmill.

8. Sing a song as you attempt to lift weights.

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*WEEEEEEE ARE THE CHHAMMMMMPPPIIIOOOOONNNSSSSSS, MY FRRIIIIEEEENNNNNDDDDSSS*

9. Leave the gym feeling disappointed in yourself, and eat a chocolate bar because you feel sad about not having the perfect body.

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And cry. Cry some more.

10. Realize that there is one way to get a beach body without the effort of it.

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What's the secret?

11. Put on a bathing suit.

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I know it can be difficult. But just do it.

12. Go to the freaking beach.

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Cause in all honesty, no one cares.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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How To Get A Beach Body For The Summer

My new regimen will have you swimsuit ready in no time.

1. Admit that you don't exercise enough.

2. Start to plan your meals.

3. Realize that even the foods you thought were good for you are bad for you.

4. Cry because you realize the only good thing to eat is lettuce

5. Start going to the gym.

6. Realize that everyone at the gym knows what they're doing, but you don't.

7. Feel embarrassed because you can only stay on the treadmill for about 5 minutes.

8. Sing a song as you attempt to lift weights.

9. Leave the gym feeling disappointed in yourself, and eat a chocolate bar because you feel sad about not having the perfect body.

10. Realize that there is one way to get a beach body without the effort of it.

11. Put on a bathing suit.

12. Go to the freaking beach.

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This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

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