Freshman year can be scary for everyone. Here are some tricks of the trade for your the newest chapter of your life. Interpretation is up to the reader.

1. Don’t ever do anything for yourself, make others do it for you.

Never learned how to do laundry before coming to college? Make your RA do it. Can’t boil an egg? The caf has good food all day, every day. Don’t wanna clean your room? Don’t. Bugs need a place to live too ya know. College is about finding yourself and figuring out what you like and dislike. How are you gonna do that when you have so much laundry and homework to do?

2. Go home all the time.

You’re in college now, you can do whatever you want. Don’t let your roommate ask you to do things. Be your own person. Tell all your high school friends what you’re doing all the time and how many of your friends are going out this weekend. You guys said you would be friends forever, right?

3. Don’t use your flex dollars unless necessary.

Do you really need that coffee to get you through your day? Probably not. Plus your free hour is meant for you to eat in the caf, it’s not like you can’t find a seat or anything. All of your leftover flex dollars go to the Siouxland Humane Society so please don’t be selfish and take the money away from the animals.

4. Don’t go to class.

Your professors were students once too. They understand that you’re tired from partying all weekend and not doing your homework. After all, test days are the only thing that truly determine your grade anymore, right? Attendance isn’t mandatory after all. Your grades won’t suffer or anything.

5. Be dependent.

Everyone loves to help you out with your problems around here. Make friends with the people in your classes and cheat off of their homework and tests. It gives them great experience on how to deal with They’ll love it because they feel like they are helping you succeed. They don’t have their own lives to worry about or anything.

6. You don’t have to study.

You didn’t play all those Disney picture memory games at day care for nothing. Put that photographic memory to work *queue Rihanna jumping out of tv screen*. You have better things to do than go over 3 weeks worth of notes. Take a nap, play some video games, do your own thing. If anything your friends will let you cheat off of them if they really liked you.