I didn’t think I would ever have to explain how to do this, but after my few years at college, I have learned that people suck at listening. At first, I thought it was because I am in college and we are taught that we are supposed to be selfish. But adults can be just as bad! And of course, kids never listen either.
I like to listen to people. I like to hear what others have to say, listen to their opinions, and experiences but I also need respect whenever I speak, which SURPRISE, I’m not getting. But I think people don’t realize they do this.
Everyone is too distracted on their phone. I know I am going to sound like a grandma when I say this, but it is true.
Whenever I am trying to talk to my friends or family, they are also having mini conversations with someone else and not listening to what I have to say. And whenever I stop talking they usually don’t even notice, which is incredibly hurtful to someone who really doesn’t say all that much.
People also mistake advice giving as listening, which I am glad you heard enough to understand what the person is saying but sometimes people want someone to listen to their problems.
My mom and I have this rule whenever we call to b!tch about something that didn’t go our way we don’t offer up any solutions and say, “I want you to be sad for me right now.” And everyone is allowed to do.
Yes, people might be dying in Africa, a famous line from Kourtney Kardashian, or have something way worse going on in their life— but you are allowed to be sad for yourself for a while.
It is also hard to be sensitive to topics that you don’t understand or have never been through. Or even worse bringing up a similar problem and belittling their problem. They are allowed just to have emotions and lay all your shit out and have someone tell you; you are right even if you aren’t.
It is also essential when listening to someone that is going through a hard time not to diagnosis them.
Don’t tell your friend that they probably have anxiety or depression because that isn’t going to help their situation. And don’t try to fix them.
Just because they are they aren’t like you or doesn’t respond the way you do doesn’t make them broken. For example, my best friend cries when she is upset, and I am a hot head when I am confused. I don’t make her feel bad for crying even though that isn’t how I respond, and she doesn’t criticize me for getting mad.
I have always enjoyed listening to people and to the big talkers, I hope this gives you some insight to take a step back and strictly listen.
No advice. No guidance. No suggestions. Just listen to them.
