Forgiveness is a subject with which I am all too familiar. Through times of disappointment, the ending of friendships, betrayal in relationships, and many other circumstances, I have had to learn what true forgiveness looks like. As a Christian, it was crucial for me to forgive others so that I could love them despite the hurt they may have caused me, because I knew Jesus called us to forgive and to love others. Most of my life I had thought that I knew what forgiveness looked like, but I harbored up bitterness and resentment towards those who had hurt me. After I realized that carrying that weight around with me did nothing but give those people a power over me, I knew I had to learn what forgiveness really meant. That being said, I thought I would share a bit of what I have learned about how to forgive others.
1. Remember that no one is perfect.
2. Choose forgiveness daily.
Some people think that forgiveness is a one-time deal, when it really is not. To truly move on you must continuously remind yourself of your choice to forgive that person, and to let go of the feelings of anger, hurt, distrust, disappointment, resentment, or bitterness that you hold. It may be difficult, seeing as how a lot of the time we do not even realize we are still feeling these things. Just remember to consciously evaluate and work through your emotions, and remind yourself persistently (out loud if you have to) that you are choosing to not feel those things and let it go. Put yourself in control of the way you respond to others hurting you.
3. Practice kind thoughts
Even if, at first, you don’t mean any well wishes, just practicing saying things like “I hope they’re doing well,” or “I wish them the best,” can train your brain to not be negative. Your heart may still hurt, but continue to try and alter the way you see them so that your negative feelings begin to dissolve. It may be difficult to do because you don’t want to be kind toward those who hurt you, but in the long run, if you are still holding onto negativity toward them, it is only letting them know that they’re role in your life still exists as something that only weighs you down and affects you.
4. Do not play the victim.
Whether or not you contributed to the circumstances that caused the hurt you are having to forgive someone for, there is a line between being upset about the pain caused and playing the victim. It is easy to cross that line and wallow in the pity that comes from the emotional injury, but it only hinders you from moving on with your life when you stay stuck in that pity party. Don’t get me wrong, though. It is necessary to grieve and feel your emotions, but don’t let that keep you from enjoying life at all. If you are always playing the victim, it is likely you will always be the victim.
5. Stay positive.
This is probably the most important part in the forgiveness process. Do things that bring you joy and laughter and happy memories. For me, I found my joy in Christ because He can always be there for me and will never leave me. The more moments like these that you have, the less heavy and burdensome afflictions will seem, and the easier it will feel to move on.
Hopefully these tips will help you forgive others, letting go of the resentment and bitterness that weighs you down and causes them to have a power over you. Life's circumstances can be challenging but you can choose how you handle yourself and respond to them, so choose forgiveness.
