Recently my roommate and her boyfriend got into a disagreement. So I was inspired to come up with a list of tips that are helpful for when you're looking to communicate healthily and effectively with the person you're upset with — whether that's your significant other, classmate, boss, parents, siblings, friends, or anyone else.
Here are 6 things to remember so those sometimes uncomfortable conversations run smoothly:
Avoid gossiping about it or going to others for opinions beforehand.
If you have a problem with someone it is best to take whatever the problem is to that person. I don't know how often this truly happens. But you can't fix a problem you're having with Jessica if you don't talk to her. It is also always best to confront Jessica first, don't discuss your problem with Mary and then go talk to Jessica. If you do that, you're just going to have unnecessary comments and communication with people who shouldn't be involved and you're just leading yourself into a tricky mess.
Consider the best environment for the conversation.
Before storming into a room to talk to someone about something that is upsetting or something you know is going to be a sensitive topic, run it over in your mind first. Think about the situation you and this other person are in currently and also what your surroundings are like. For example are you alone? In a loud space? With friends? Around strangers? Any and all of these elements can factor into how your conversation goes. The more you can control the better, so plan your location accordingly so that you're not distracted. You both should also be comfortable in this place so maybe let the person you're talking to know you want to talk to them prior and then find or agree on that meeting place together.
Always communicate in person (if possible).
Texting and emailing come off aggressive and insensitive the majority of times because you see no face to face connection and emotion between the two people. If possible, I would work to talk in person and if technology has to be involved maybe talk over Facetime or at the very least, the phone.
Try to see it from the other person's perspective.
This doesn't mean you have to agree with the other person but work to see why their opinion is that way. Also, make sure you have fully heard them out. A lot of times the problem is just that someone doesn't feel respected because they aren't heard.
Make sure you remain respectful.
The worst thing for a conversation is to add in excessive emotions, foul language, crying... I think you get the point. If you can avoid this, do so at all costs. It comes up sometimes but this type of behavior honestly is really childish and is something you can control. It may take more practice for some but you will be able to communicate so much more effectively with people if you are calm and respectful. Try thinking about how what you are saying is going to come off to them because if it doesn't come off well then you're going to be less likely to fix whatever the issue may be.
Don't yell or raise your voice, whatever you do.
Similar to being calm and respectful, yelling comes off to people in typically two different ways from my personal experience. It can either 1. shut people down or 2. agitate people. These are both not going to be good responses to when that person needs to communicate with you and I'm going to guess you would be able to see why. Which is why I'd recommend not raising your voice, it really adds nothing to your conversation and I'm sure the other person could hear you clearly without doing so.
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