Growing up, I have lived in multiple cities around the United States. In most of these cities, driving is typically the same. However, in Arlington, drivers seems to have invented a new way to drive. Read this guide carefully and practice these skills often for the best results.

Turning: When turning in Arlington, make sure to never turn on your blinker. Blinkers are a conspiracy by the government and should be treated like the fruitcake at the family Christmas party... avoid at all cost. Now that you realize blinkers are not necessary, make sure to be as far away from the lane you actually need to turn in. The more lanes you cut across, the better driver you are. Dream big; if you do not get honked at seven to eight times while turning, you are a disgrace to your family.

Parking: When parking in Arlington, the idea is the more parking spots you can take up, the better. Park in places that make people wish they could personally assault you. If you drive a truck, make sure you take up at least three parking spots. If you go to UTA and park on campus, park so bad that it looks like there is an empty spot, but there is not because you parked so terribly. Bonus points if a fellow driver leaves a note on your car...they are just jealous that they are not as good of a driver as you.

Speed Limit: The speed limit in Arlington is tricky. Luckily, the speed limit can be summed up in three simple rules. Rule 1: If you are going down Cooper, drive 10-15 mph under the speed limit. Rule 2: If you are on I20 or I30, treat it like Texas Motor Speedway and test how fast your vehicle can go. Rule 3: Any other roads in Arlington are fair game, drive however you personally, please.

Braking: Braking in Arlington, Texas is a personal preference. Make sure to do it often. You can brake every 10 seconds for the best results. Braking to the beat of whatever song you are listening to is also a great idea. Make sure to slam your brakes on hard and last minute to keep other drivers around you safe and alert. If you do not have to replace your brakes every six to eight months, you are driving neither safely or correctly.

Honking: Honking and braking while driving in Arlington have the same general philosophy. Honking can mean a variety of things based on the length of the honk. A short honk means, "Please go, before I lose my mind." A medium honk means, "I am about to give you a little nudge if you do not go soon." A long honk means, "This is Texas, I have a gun in my back seat and I am about to do some target practice on your Honda Accord."

Good luck and drive safe!