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How To Destroy A Monster Without Becoming One

How to save yourself from a heartbreak, sort of.

Aug 09, 2016

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How To Destroy A Monster Without Becoming One

During the dazzling teenage years of your life, you will occasionally run into these creatures that make you undergo all sorts of unusual discussions with yourself. You will find yourself arguing about how convinced you are that this monster is plotting to take over you, then later realize you've been talking to yourself about this for the past five minutes. You'll notice your body temperature rise and fall when "it" crawls in the room along with the pace of your thrilled heart growing at abnormal beats. Your hands will strain from pulling patches of hair off your scalp and your perplexed brain will loose communication connection to your frazzled heart. But cry no more! Follow these simple steps to save yourself from a heartbreak whilst getting rid of a filthy cockroach in your life.

1. Identify the Monster.

These creatures come in a variety of shapes and sizes, but most will have a blooming pair of eyes and a devilish smile to match. Do not let their curious hands explore the wonderland of your innocent body; their vile hands shouldn't touch a holy temple. They will whisper pretty things into your ears and convince you they can give you the world when they can't even name half the states in the U.S. If you find yourself stuck in a situation where temptation to cave into the devious tricks of this monster kicks in, think to yourself, "what would Beyoncé do?" Beyoncé is your spirit animal; do not let her down.

2. Study Yourself.

Learn your habits; learn your strengths; learn your weaknesses. Self-knowledge is vital. Memorize your flaws and continue to convince yourself that you are beautiful. You can sit there and try to believe you wake up flawless, but we all know we all look like walking disasters in the morning. Be the beautiful disaster you are.

3. Accept.

By now, you've tried to avoid any interaction with this hideously handsome creature, but "it" always comes back right around to curl its arms around you and weaken you at your knees. Your willpower just wasn't enough to keep yourself from making your way towards him. But jokes on you; accept the fact that you are helplessly in love. Let it happen, and embrace it. Being in love is the best and worst thing to happen to a teenage girl, but don't worry, Beyoncé is still proud of you for trying, you monster.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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How To Destroy A Monster Without Becoming One

How to save yourself from a heartbreak, sort of.

1. Identify the Monster.

2. Study Yourself.

3. Accept.

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"I don't want to do things. I want to not do things."

1. When you look at the syllabus and realize there are only three weeks of the semester left; even though the first day was LITERALLY yesterday.

2. You look at your grades and realize they probably aren't as high as they should be, which is a terrifying realization.

3. When you think to yourself at night, "tomorrow, I will wake up early and go to the library ALL day, and, hell, maybe after I'll go to the gym for a little bit, just to push myself that extra mile."

4. Tomorrow actually comes. The inevitable and overpowering sense of procrastination is too strong to overcome.

5. But you DO end up going to the library. Not all day though, but still, a while. But no, you do not go to the gym. Still, you made an effort, so you decide to treat yo' self.

6. When you realize you need to schedule a meeting with your adviser because you need to sign up for classes next semester. But you also realize that since you waited until the last minute, you're going to get stuck with all of the crappy classes.

7. When you low-key try to slip into conversation with your professors that you need extra credit because you're that desperate.

8. When it's already the third time you've seen your adviser in two days because you have no damn clue what you're doing and need all the help you can get.

9. When you apply for a job associated with your major even though you have no experience, but you just want to dive headfirst into the deep end of adulthood and get it over with.

The world is not always sunshine and rainbows, and you do not have to be, either.

It would be so much easier to just pay someone to do it for you

1. Figuring out when to start

2. Searching through list after list to get everything you need

3. Shopping for deals

4. Getting bins to put everything in

5. Figuring what you can’t live without

6. Going through clothes to find what you need

7. Finding out your siblings took something from you

8. Fighting with your parents.

9. Trying to plan things with your roommate

10. The fear of forgetting something

11. Move in day

Relatable moments from one of the best shows I have ever watched.

1. When you fail that midterm you studied so hard for.

2. When your crush finally texts back.

3. When payday comes around.

4. When you accidentally like someone's picture from 108 weeks ago.

5. When someone takes your unassigned assigned seat.

6. When your favorite character in your favorite TV series dies.

7. When that guy/girl you’ve been crushing on agrees to go on a date with you.

8. When you have so much to do, and such little motivation to do it.

9. When someone asks for your last fry.

10. When you try a new health-food craze.

11. When you get new clothing.

12. When you check your bank account.

13. When they're serving good food in the dining hall.

14. When someone tries to tell you what to do.

15. Or just your thoughts about life in general.

We all have that "I don't care" attitude.

1. Most students just take life day by day.

2. That means procrastinating, one day at a time.

3. College students don't mind dressing like crap sometimes.

4. In fact, dressing nice feels weird.

5. College students get so stressed that they contemplate dropping on a daily basis.

6. But most find another solution to deal with that stress.

7. And that solution can be pretty cheap. Anything over $5 is expensive.

8. One of the only things college students will spend money on is coffee.

9. College is just really expensive and you never forget how expensive it is.

10. But hey, we're getting a somewhat high-quality education, right?

11. We all really just want to pet dogs all day.

12. And eat pizza for every meal.

13. And stab the next person who asks us what we want to do with our life.

14. However, despite the stress and student loans, college is amazing and there's plenty of reasons to smile.

Thank you, April, for inspiring us with your wicked relatability.

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