My family has always had a lot of pets. I’ve grown up with dogs, cats, chickens, goats, ducks and once upon a time we had a few goldfish. Currently, we have one pygmy goat, maybe 15 chickens and a few chicks, two cats and now two dogs. Until yesterday, we had three. My family had to have our fourteen year old dog, Maddie, put to sleep. Because we’ve always had pets, we’ve of course lost them before. However, I’ve never been as close to any of them as I was with her. It was a hard decision for our family to make, and I find myself thinking about how to deal with her loss. These are the steps I’ve come up with to deal with pet loss.

1. Say goodbye.

In a perfect world, the best way to say goodbye would be before the pet is gone. I was fortunate enough to get the opportunity to say goodbye before Maddie was put to sleep, twice actually. That might seem redundant, but I would advise anyone with an older pet who isn’t doing well to take a few private moments with them to say goodbye. If they make it a few months longer, that’s great. It means you get more time to create memories with them and to have the comfort of their presence around. Then, when you know it is finally their time, be sure to say goodbye, regardless of if you already have. Give them one last pet in their favorite spot, look them in the eyes, tell them you love them and thank them for being a great companion to you.

2. Remember good moments with them.

If things don’t work out that well and you don’t have any prior warning, you’ll have to find another way to say goodbye. This will seem harder, crueler, but you still have to take a moment and find closure for yourself. A common way to do this is to find some good pictures you have with them and maybe make a post on social media. From what I’ve seen, most friends will offer their condolences. You don’t have to think about it as wanting to talk to others about your loss; it can kind of be like you’re talking to your pet as you post in their honor. That way, you get the handy option to “like” rather than comment back and discuss your loss if you that’s what you’d prefer. Warning or not, feel free to do this. Putting your feelings for your beloved furry (or feathered or scaly etc.) friend will help you feel better, as will putting an emphasis on all the good times you had together.

3. Take a little time to move on.

Don’t rush out and buy a new puppy or kitten or any kind of pet immediately. I think this is the best way to respect your former pet. This way, you aren’t replacing them and making it seem like they didn’t show you love and devotion for years. It also gives you time to get over their loss. Like with any loss, there will be moments where you look around your house, expecting them to be in a certain place, and you’ll be sharply reminded that they’re gone. For me, that moment was when I went to say goodnight to Maddie on my way upstairs last night, only to look out at my living room and realize she wasn’t lying anywhere on the carpet like normal. That will take some time to get used to.

4. Show another animal the same love.

But after a few months, maybe a year or two, you and your family might feel the same way after you’ve gone through your period of adjustment without your pet. Know that you won’t be replacing your beloved deceased companion. This is because no two animals are the same, nor will your memories with them be the same. If you’ve always been animal lovers and you have the means and willingness to provide for another four legged friend, show another animal the same love that you showed your last pet. In my family’s case, we’re probably going to start training our overly excited black lab how to be a house dog in the next couple months so that he can occupy a little of the space Maddie was taking up, but, of course, not to replace her.

I do want to note, if you start considering a pet adoption, please go to your local shelter. Sites like adoptapet and petfinder can help too.

I know losing a pet isn’t as simple as going through a four step process; there will be tears and grief. You will feel frustrated and helpless because you had to watch them battle illness, disease, old age or being struck down by a sudden accident. Maybe you got to say goodbye and maybe you didn't, but you owe it to them and to yourself to find closure. Maybe you couldn't save them, but always remember that it's enough that you were there. Your pet's job was to be there for their human(s), and all they asked for in return was the same affection. If you're wondering how to go on without them, you definitely gave them the love they needed. Remember all the moments where they licked you too much or barked excitedly when you got home or came to sit next to you when they could tell that you were upset. Those moments are yours forever, just like your lost pet will always be a remembered furry, family member. When you're ready, add on to your family again and enjoy the best bond of friendship there is: human and loyal animal companion. No one teaches you what love is better than a devoted pet.

Rest in peace, Maddie.