We’ve all been there — the surprising end to something you thought could last a lifetime. It sucks, and we’ve all had to deal with it at some point or another. But no one ever knows how to deal with it, whether to break down in tears screaming why or go out with friends and move on. What does one do first when their heart is ripped out and stomped all over? Well, it’s about time that someone made that guide.
1. Don’t blame yourself.
Chances are that you did nothing wrong, people breakup for all different reasons, feelings change and not every happy moment can last forever. People come and go in our lives for reasons we cannot always explain.
2. Let it all out.
There’s always going to be that rage and anger and sadness that you need to let out. If it spills out now it’ll be better than bottling up and keeping a straight face. There is no reason to feel bad about having emotions
3. Call your friends.
Doesn’t matter how long you were together, you’re probably going to break down. Call them. More likely than not, they will rush to your aid and try to make you feel better or even take you out to make you forget. Trust me, you don’t want to be alone during this time.
4. Stuff your face.
Boys and girls may come and go, but food is forever. French fries, pizza, milkshakes, anything. Just find a comfort food and surplus to cover your unending sadness. And bring friends. Movie nights with your friends will make you feel better. Good company = good times.
5. Get out of your house.
This could also go under let it out, but this one is more about getting your head out of the state of shock. You need to get away and just be one with the elements whether it's nature, the ocean, driving, music, art, theater. Expressing yourself in these ways could help you find closure or mildly get over the pain you’re feeling. Finding the light at the end of the dark tunnel is enlightening to your personal self.
6. Take a second to breathe.
All of these emotions you have will hit you like a truck, whether you decide to put them down or bottle them up. It will be painful and horrible, but in these dark times, there’s always a positive thing to learn. Every relationship is a learning experience, and even when you want to rip all your hair out, you have to take a second to remember your other half is waiting somewhere out there for you. You may not find him or her right now, but don’t think of the person you were just with as the one that got away. Think of it as one step closer to finding the right one.
7. Try out something new.
Find something enjoyable or rediscover an old love, and run with it. Go out enjoy your life, don’t live in the fear of not being happy again (believe me you will be sooner than you think). Only you are responsible for your true happiness. You can create a great situation from this point of sadness. A new opportunity is waiting if you just open yourself to it.
8. Don't look back.
It's hard enough to move on, but it's another thing to have to deal with that person wanting to go right back to being friends right after. IT DOES NOT WORK! Someone is always going to have some pent up feelings that they don't want to admit, so believe me when I say it's okay to be angry at each other for a while. Don't hate each other, but you really can't go back to being friends. (Side note: Don't get back together. There's a reason you broke up, and behind that, I'm sure there were many more.)
9. Pictures need to go.
I can understand people wanting to hold onto the memories, but looking at them every five minutes and crying hysterically won't help. That feeling you'll get every time you look and hope and pray they'll look at you like that again will eat you alive and haunt you. Some people need this cleanse of deleting everything, others can move on without it. Each person has a different opinion and way to deal with the memories.
10. Don't stalk them on social media.
Looking at them go out with their friends, not recognizing some new person in the friend group and starting to freak out as a result ... yeah, not healthy. Even if this means you unfollow them for a while, it will help you in the long run. There is no reason you should be checking their social media pages every five minutes to see if there's someone new.
11. Don't obsess over why it ended.
Tracing your every move, analyzing every text, won't explain why your relationship ended. And asking them is also not the answer because you'll never get a straight-forward answer, it will always be that generic answer "It's not you, it's me." What's worse is that real answer ... is not something you want to hear, it would hurt even more than you think.
12. When in doubt, pull a Meredith Grey and Christina Yang and dance it out. There's nothing better than calling up your best friend and hearing them rip on your ex. That just means many movie nights, dance parties and a lot of take-out food. It'll make you feel better even if it lasts a minute. Everyone needs a Meredith to their Christina or vice versa.
So that's it: 12 steps, 12 stages, 12 whatever you need to help. My best advice is don't forget there's nothing wrong with you. You will feel like crap for a few days, but remember that everything happens for a reason. Don't regret it, don't be mad it's over because if they broke your heart, chances are they weren't worthy of it in the first place. People fall out of their feelings. Not every happy moment can last forever, you can always hold on to them, but that's all they'll be ... memories. Value them, but let go of that anger and sadness. To quote Ellis Grey from "Grey's Anatomy," "The carousel never stops turning."
