I know why you're here. You've come across a wild teenager and you're wondering, "What have I gotten myself into?" They're transitioning from child to teen and it's frightening. Boys? Does that mean they'll start thinking about girls and being influenced by what they see on television and whatever their friends are doing? Girls? Oh no. Everyone told you that they were just the absolute worst. They told you that they get their period, they start having sex, they might start drinking and then there's... OH NO! Right? All the stereotypical horror stories. Fear not, I'm here to reassure you. They're not so bad when approached properly.
1. Step One: Breathe.
We've all heard the horror stories before. "They will run rampant!" "They will walk all over you!" Many people do not realize that all of this can be avoided by just talking to them. Understand, they are transitioning from child to teenager. Hormones are taking over. They are surrounded by outside influences! Remember yourself as a teenager. Remember how you wanted to be treated and then proceed.
2. Step Two: Listen.
When someone says, "listen" they don't mean to just their words. Listen to their actions. Listen to their music. Listen to their body language. Listen to their eyes. There are many things that a teenager will do that are dead giveaways. It is up to the parent to watch carefully.
3. Step Three: Speak accordingly.
When approaching your wild teenager, be sure you know what you're approaching them about. Did they listen to depressing music all day yesterday? Did you walk past their room and hear them crying this morning? Maybe you heard all of the tea in school when she was talking to her friends? Teenagers are very evasive. Some don't want to disappoint you. Some are very embarrassed. Others are simply lost. You need to approach them with caution and love. They can smell fear. They can also smell judgment.
4. Step Four: Do not compare.
Do you know other teenagers? Ok. Did your friend go through a similar situation? That's fine. Your oldest didn't act like that? Good for them. None of that has to do with your current wild teenager at hand. They are individuals. They do not need the comparison. Have you been through something similar? Ok, that's you though. Everyone is unique. Treat them as such. Take your situation and tell it to them as a story, not to compare to theirs. Let them know that, although times are different, you've been through something similar at their age.
5. Step Five: Relationships
Chill. It's not real. Just don't tell them that. Tell them the importance of being their own person. They do not have to feel consumed by their "relationship". A relationship is an add-on to their own person. Who they are as an individual does not fade away once they are with someone. Tell them to "become one" with someone at a young age is not something that is a goal. The focus needs to be on themselves. While they can still care about their "boyfriend/girlfriend", they should never lose their sense of self. Make sure you do not try to pound this idea in their head, the teenager will see this as nagging and begin to shut down on you. Instead, start up a random conversation while they are around and try to ween in these messages.
6. Step Six: SEX?!
Chill. Just talk. See them going through changes? Talk. Don't say, "Sex. Bad. Bye." That's not how you talk to them. Tell them to respect their bodies and to make sure their partners respect them as well. Tell them to be safe! STD's are the real threat! Don't do the typical, "If you get pregnant, I'm kicking you out my house." No one wants to hear. "I'm kicking you out of your home because of your mistake." Instead, teach them safe sex. Your daughter thinking about being sexually active? Make sure she understands what comes with being sexually active. Teach her to start taking birth control. Your son thinking about being sexually active? Make sure he understands what comes with being sexually active. Show him where exactly to buy condoms. Show them how much condoms cost and how much diapers cost. Be supportive but also be firm.
7. Step Seven: Discipline
Simple and straight to the point. You can't be their best friend and their parent. This is where a lot of parents confuse that boundary. Let your teenager know that they can come to you for anything like a best friend but also acknowledge the line between friend and parent. Are they not doing well in school? No phone. Failing math? You come straight home after school and study! Know your teenagers' ticks and get your point across.
Following these steps will not make everything fine and dandy. Not at all but this will make everything much easier on everyone. Remember, you are the parent don't let them handle everything on their own because "they're being a teenager."
