In class the other day we talked about how homosexuality used to be in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as just that, a mental disorder. We looked at articles that were titled “Thousands of Gays Cured,” get it? Because they weren't sick in the first place and the medical field finally recognized that… I think even though (most of) the professional realm has recognized that one’s sexual orientation is not an illness that needs to be treated, there are still a good number of people out there who believe it’s a decision that an individual makes, and that they’re literally “sick” enough to make that decision. Well for people who are morally stuck in the dark ages, I decided to write out a few steps for those who are looking for a quick fix to gayness! You’re so welcome!!!

1. Pray the gay away

“God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” But not the "gay ones," don't worry, He definitely did not plan for people to just “love who they love.” We need to love who society wants you to love! Duhhhh!

2. Simply suppress your feelings

They’ll totally go away and you'll be like totally straight and perfect in just, like, a little bit. Because we all know suppressing who we really are in order to fit within societal standards of “normal” is super easy and won’t have longterm detrimental affects on us at all.

3. Conversion therapy

“It’s super ethical” - Probably Mike Pence at some point in his life

4. There’s an app for that

I wish I was kidding but no, there seriously there is such a thing… It’s a 60-day program called “Door of Hope” and it was created by… you guessed it! A non-denominational Christian ministry.

5. Educate yourself

I think it’s pretty blatantly obvious that this article is strictly satirical. It’s honestly sad that people still believe that one’s sexual orientation is something that can be “fixed.” People are born gay just as I myself was born straight, I didn't have a choice. Sexual orientation may not be “curable" but the way people think can be altered. With the proper education, sympathy and awareness the world could be a much more accepting and safer place. In this case, ignorance is the farthest thing from bliss. It is utter selfishness and unawareness of the fact that everyone is different and that it is okay that everyone is unique. So educate yourself, love yourself and be yourself.