A lot of the time we don’t look at our friendships the right way. A lot of time we miss out on truly great friendships because we’re constantly worried about what we can get out of them rather than what we could do for our friends. We enter friendships expecting the other person to serve us, and we end dumping all of our problems and baggage on to them without any notice. Then we never seek them again until a new problem rises up. I’ve had friends like that; to be honest I’ve probably been that friend before. There are better more satisfying ways to be a friend. When we develop good, long lasting friendships they help us form a structure for our lives and create a sense of community around us.

It all starts with our mindset. When we approach friendships, we have to go in with a mindset of how we can love this person right now. In what ways can we serve them and be a positive light in their life when things are bad? Once we go in with that mindset, the rest is pretty easy. When we go into friendships this way we put the other person’s needs above our own and we start to see the other person for who they are and not what they add to our lives.

One of the best ways to be a friend is to show that you are intentional. I remember one of the biggest lies that my friends and I would tell each other in high school was, “we should hang out!” That never happened. I’ve recovered since then, but I learned that friendships involve being intentional and actually following through with what we say to people. Yes, things come up and plans have to be canceled every now and then, but being intentional and following through is super important. Take time to know the person. Seek to understand them and what their values and interests are. Sometimes listening is the greatest way to love someone.

After we learn about the person, we can help them. Sometimes, to be a friend all we have to do is believe in them. Believe in their dreams and inspire them to chase after them. Or other times we simply need to be there for people when they’re going through dark times. We have to try and understand what our friends are going through. We don’t exactly have to fix their problems for them, but we can at least promise they won’t be alone. On the other hand, we must celebrate their victories and accomplishments as if they were our own. If we believe in them and be their champion, they will thrive and accomplish more. Friendship is looking at things in a win-win mindset, and it goes both ways. When we win our friends win and vice-versa.

In order to cultivate good friendships, we must love our friends in a way that doesn’t mean we approve of everything they do, but it means we want the very best for them in life.