Before you get to the dress and the planning and the wedding, there is the proposal. Chances are you are not going to be completely surprised that a proposal is coming your way. If you have been with your partner for a significant amount of time, then the topic of marriage has probably come up before, which means you know if your relationship is heading in that direction.

Once you and your partner have decided that you want to take the plunge into forever, the first thing you are going to do is look for an engagement ring. People have varying thoughts on how much they want to be involved in the selection of their ring. There is no right or wrong way answer to this. Your amount of involvement should depend on what you are comfortable with. I do suggest that if you want little part in the selection of the ring that you at least give your partner some points on what you like, or tell someone else and direct your partner to that person. You don’t want to wear something for the rest of your life that you don’t like.

If you are like me, you have been looking at engagement rings for years. Years. Even when you were single. Yet years of research won’t prepare you for the moment that you get to go out to find the real thing. The only way to find the perfect engagement ring is to focus on what you want. Don’t pay attention to traditions or trends, unless those things are important to you. But do pay attention to cost. Do not have your partner spend more money than they afford to buy you a ring. The prize of getting engaged is getting to spend the rest of your life with an amazing person, not having a flashy rock on your finger. Though, if you can find a ring that will make people drool, by all means, get that ring.

One thing that you might not be expecting to happen when you go ring shopping is how overwhelming it can be. There is the overwhelming amount of choices you have in ring styles, but there is also the overwhelming feeling that this is real. You are taking your first real step towards getting engaged and getting married. Suddenly the moments you have been imaging forever are now real. That’s a lot to take in.

Now that you have the ring figured out, it is time to consider how you want your proposal to go. If you want a big flashy proposal with all of your friends and family present, you need to make sure your partner knows that. If you want NONE of that, then make sure your partner knows that too. But no matter what you have dreamed of this moment being and who you have dreamed of being a part of it, be open to letting your partner create their own moment. Remember, this is not just about you. This is your partner’s moment too. So let your partner have some fun putting their own touch on things.

Keep this in mind when you know a proposal is coming; you are going to start to overthink every single action your partner takes because you are going to think this is the moment of the proposal. So keep Xanax on hand to handle your spike in excitement and anxiety. And expect to start doing things like reapplying your lipstick when they uncharacteristically suggest you go outside for a walk.

I was not shocked when my proposal happened. Thanks to the help of my good friend, Sauvignon Blanc, I dropped a lot of heavy handed hints that it should happen in Ireland in the weeks leading up to the trip. So when it was during our last full day there and we were on the northern coast of the country, I had a pretty good idea it was coming. And it did. And it was wonderful. But looking back at it, I wish I had been totally surprised. Even thoughI was still surprised in the actual moment. You will be too, and that’s the best part!

Oh yeah, there is one other best part at the end of all of this, you’re engaged!!!!