My boyfriend and I have been dating for ten months, and we have not had a single fight.
I imagine most of you read that sentence and thought something along the lines of, “They must not know each other well enough if they haven’t fought yet.” Others of you might be thinking, “They’re just in the cutesy stage before the fighting starts.” Hopefully there are a few of you who read the sentence and didn’t think anything. We haven’t fought yet: so what?
Perfect relationships are a myth. I don’t care what Disney movies say; there is no way that two humans in love can ever be perfect together. When I told my best friend that we hadn’t had a fight yet, she laughed in my face. “Don’t worry,” she said, smiling with what looked a lot like pity. “You’ll fight eventually.” She had a point. Just because we haven’t had a fight doesn’t mean we never will.
I would like to say that things are going so well because we communicate with each other. Communication is a big part of it, yes, but it isn’t the only reason we haven’t fought.
After all, we still have disagreements. Miscommunication happens all the time. Sometimes I take for granted how perceptive Noah is, and then get upset when he doesn’t immediately realize what is bothering me. He is very honest and says exactly what he thinks, so he gets confused when I try to hint that I’m upset instead of just telling him.
The same friend I mentioned earlier is recently engaged, and she and her fiancé argue a lot. Both of their personalities are very strong, and they are both so stubborn that arguing is sometimes the only way to get to the root of the problem (for example, think Ron and Hermione). But no matter how serious the issue, they always resolve it before they go to bed. For them, arguing is part of how they communicate.
Here’s the thing: it isn’t enough to tell each other everything. It isn’t enough to be honest to the point of disagreeing. It isn’t enough to be in love. Conflict will find you wherever you are. What matters is that you approach everything in the relationship with the desire to make it through and be closer to each other at the end of it. Doubt is sneaky, and if the willingness to say, “I want us to be together through everything,” isn’t there, doubt will get you. And that’s where things get serious.
I’m not saying my boyfriend and I will never have a fight: fighting is what humans do. I’m also not saying that fighting ruins all relationships: sometimes fighting is the only way to get to the root of an issue, and you come out the other side stronger than ever. Most importantly, I’m not saying you should use my relationship as an example. I’m still figuring things out with my boyfriend; we still fight, and we still annoy each other a little bit.
No relationship is perfect, but what matters is that your relationship is your relationship. You are in charge of your own happiness. Love each other, and everything will work out.
