I’m always trying to work on my confidence, but I’m working especially hard on it this year. After leaving yet again another unhealthy relationship — one where I felt so belittled that I barely went out — I decided it was time to change the way in which I carry myself. I’ve always been a little too accommodating for other people and I’ve always apologized for myself, even if there was nothing that required an apology. It’s something I’ve been doing for nearly twenty years and it’s something I decided I needed to change immediately.

Making this kind of shift is extremely liberating, but it can also be difficult at times because it’s easy to slip back into old habits. The most important thing I have to remember is that it’s okay to fall back occasionally; the road ahead isn’t always smooth. We aren’t defined by our mistakes, we’re defined by the way we choose to move forward from them. Personally, I take everything as a learning experience and I make a point to feel no regret over any choices I make. The only regrets I have are because there was something I wanted to do but didn’t have the confidence to go after it.

So with regards as to how to boost confidence, fake it ‘til you make it. I know it sounds kind of silly, but sometimes I’ve had to pretend that I’m confident in a situation that I’m not entirely comfortable with. In time, you will train yourself to inherently do that and you will begin to carry yourself with a lot more self-assurance.

Another thing is to apologize for yourself less. That doesn’t mean never say sorry, because sometimes an apology is necessary. However, stop apologizing for yourself in lesser situations. For example, try not to say “sorry I’m late” but say “thank you for waiting” instead. I read a post online that suggested this and I thought it was such a great idea. It’s a pretty simple change to make and it replaces feelings of embarrassment with feelings of gratitude.

One way to improve confidence that is still somewhat difficult for me, is getting used to saying no to people. Personally, I am a people-pleaser and I like it when everyone is happy. But that’s such an unrealistic expectation to have and it’s not my responsibility to make the rest of the world happy, especially if it’s at my own expense. It is perfectly okay to say no to someone if you want to… and you don’t have to explain yourself for it! Your reasoning for saying no can literally be, “because I don’t want to” and that is a completely valid reason. We walk around feeling as if we owe other people so much, but in reality we don’t owe anyone anything. Being kind is one thing, but letting people walk over you is something else entirely.

Realistically, I could go on for hours about how to boost confidence, but I’m still trying to figure out different ways to do so myself. I’m currently employing the previously mentioned methods and I already feel like a happier person. Life is an incredible adventure and I don’t have the time to not enjoy it with confidence anymore.