I have probably written and rewritten this article a hundred times. Who I am to tell you what's the best way to live when sometimes I am barely keeping it together myself? Then, last week, I forced myself out of my lazy summer sleep schedule and went to the gym earlier than usual. I was looking at what ab workout I could do without dying when a random voice asked if she could put her mat next to mine.
I, of course, love people (and hate confrontation) so I was happy to slide over and make some room for her. We went back to being strangers and not talking until she asked what workout I was doing off my phone. I answered and went back to my own little bubble, but out of the blue, she started telling me her life story. She apparently had gained weight recently after having a miscarriage while the P.O.S. guy she was with who tried to cheat on her with her SISTER while she was pregnant.
She called the cheating loser out and he decided to push her around. Long story short, she moved across the country to restart her life before he got out of jail and wanted to be a part of it. My new friend was just a couple years older than me, but I can't imagine going through half of that. All I knew how to do was compliment her for standing up for herself and having the courage to start over; something most people can’t do.
That's when it hit me.
Growing up isn't a set formula, it isn't your life being perfect, and it's not being flawlessly happy.
Being an adult means knowing who you are as a person, having enough self-respect to stick to your plan and purpose, and to accept the twists and turns of everyday life.
Step 1: Love Yourself
People are not kidding when they say, “you can’t expect someone to love you, until you love yourself.” If you don’t love yourself then you’ll be forever chasing after people who won’t love you. That’s a lot of cardio, man. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Find something you are 100% sure you love about yourself and celebrate that.
If you are the smartest person you know then dive into a good book or ace that test. If you think you’re funny then go make everyone laugh until they cry. Play to your strengths and don’t try to be someone you’re not or try to fit in because you’re a damn gem. You will feel like a million bucks and the right people you want in your life will be drawn to that. Stop hating yourself for everything you’re not and love yourself for what you are.
Step 2: Know When to Walk Away
It’s never easy to give up on someone or something that once held so much importance in your life; however, you have to know when it’s time to let go and walk away. Don’t walk away defeated, but, rather, with your head held high. No one is able to walk away knowing for certain what the future holds. Only people who have true self-respect are able to know when a situation is toxic to their personal progress. Don’t wait for the Titanic to sink when you weren’t meant to be on that boat anyway.
Step 3: Know What You Deserve
This is the hardest part. How do you know what you deserve without seeming to be a know-it-all or an entitled princess?! Here’s how. Set your standards and KEEP them. I’m not yelling, but, good Lord, if you don’t remember this I’ll slap you… and you’ll deserve it. See what I did there? It’s easier to settle, but in the long run, that doesn’t help you be your best self. So many people settle for less than they deserve because they’re too afraid to be alone or in the unknown as the future plays out. Not going to lie, I’m Katie f’ing Rose and I make my own way in this world. Keep your standards as high as your heels, ladies. You deserve the best.
Step 4: Appreciate Nature
I’m not saying go live among the trees or try to get on the TV show Naked and Afraid, that’s too much and I hate bugs. Go outside and take it in. It’s easy to forget an entire world of moving parts and people exists beyond you when you’re wrapped up in your own mess. A trip to the beach, a nap in a hammock, or a drive with the windows down all makes everything seem less heavy.
Step 5: Set Your Goals
AIM HIGH. Friends come and go and life literally throws up on whatever plans you had. Your goals should always challenge you to do better and become a better you. As much as I hate it when she tells me this, but my mom isn’t wrong when she says to focus on school when life sucks. You had a rough day after tripping down the stairs, someone backing into your car, and accidentally getting bleach on your favorite shirt so you don’t necessarily want to study for your test the next day.
Guess what? The head of your major’s department isn’t going to ask you about your rough November 11th when deciding if you’re accepted into your dream program. He or she will want to see how hard you worked up to this point regardless of various obstacles and how hard you will continue to pursue your professional goals. This doesn’t just apply to school. Go try something new because you’ll never know what you’ll end up loving. Amateurs built the Arc and professionals built the Titanic.
Step 6: Take Care of Yourself FIRST
Take a lap, eat some ice cream, hit the gym. Whatever is going to make you feel the best about you. Some days I need a kick in the butt to go to the gym, but on my way out I feel so much better about myself. Some days I want nothing more than to sleep it out and eat Mint Moose Tracks in mass quantities. It's up to you. Know when to kick it up a notch and know when to give yourself a much-needed break. It's okay to not be on-the-go all day long and to take a hot second to focus on what YOU need.
Step 7: Fall in Love with Someone’s Laugh
Find a laugh that gives you life and make that person laugh every chance you get. For me, there’s nothing like making people laugh to brighten my own day. A laugh that fills the room and fills your heart is contagious. How can you not smile knowing you made your favorite person happy for even a split second? Life doesn’t have to be that serious all the time so don’t forget to get your daily dose of laughter.
Step 8: Don’t Let a Boy Determine your Value
Living in a sorority house of 40 girls and being around your other 140 sisters, you see your fair share of heartbreak. Boys come and go whenever they please without a single care in the world. You may be an absolute angel, but most college boys don’t want that these days. Our culture has told guys that they have 4 years to accumulate as many girls as they can or they’ll miss out on something, crumble like a cookie, and die. NEWS FLASH. Let them go. Let them hop around wasting their time man hoe-ing it up trying to fill a void they’ve created thinking they’re really “living.”
I will never stop preaching that a girl’s value is not solely dependent on anyone but themselves and when they realize how damn great they are then they’ve won. The best things come to those who aren’t looking for them. Life is like Tropical Smoothie rewards card. (Keep reading... it’ll make sense) You have an asshole punch card that you have to fill up before you get to redeem it for the prize. You’ll go through all the wrong people until you’re ready for the one, right person. A person who thinks you make the best burnt toast and can’t live a second without you. You deserve that.
Step 9: Change
No one enjoys change, but it’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. Change comes in a million different forms like moving cities, changing majors, or starting a new job. You never know where you’ll end up but the journey there is what matters. Relationships change as well but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault. Halsey’s “Colors” put it better than me, to be honest.
“You were red, and you liked me because I was blue
But you touched me, and suddenly I was a lilac sky.
Then you decided purple just wasn't for you.”
Sometimes a person, whether it be a best friend or a boy, can change and it’s just not who you met. That doesn’t mean you regret ever having them in your life or hate them for changing, but let that chapter end and keep writing your story. You’re worth it.
Boom. That’s how you become an adult. You might be the only one around that seems like you get your ultimate purpose in life, but that’s okay. Everyone is out here trying to piece together a life that makes them happy, but no one really knows what they’re doing.
Being a positive light even in the smallest ways can make the difference for someone you didn’t even know was looking to you for help. If someone has the audacity to tell you that you’re not good enough then tell them to F OFF. Do what makes you happy and don’t fall into the life of things that don’t matter because someone needs you to be their flashlight. If not for anyone else, do it for yourself. I may not know the person reading this article, but I can promise you that you deserve the world. I pray you find everything you need and let go of what you don’t.
