Long distance is hard. I’m not going to lie to any of you, but most of what leads to success can easily become a habit if you take the time to consciously do them until they do become natural. Plus, most of them lead to not just success in your relationship, but also in your entire life.

Talk

Talking is more than quantity, it is also quality. When you’re far away, so much of what keeps a couple connected is purposeful communication and, in a variety of ways, this might be the most important thing for success.

Talk a lot in a variety of ways.

Don’t rely on any single communication medium. There are pros and cons to each of the available options, so if you frequently use a wide variety of them whenever they fit best, you’ll be able to communicate more often and more effectively.

When at all possible, be face-to-face; obviously that’s not possible most of the time, but when it is, take advantage. Don’t fall out of practice with reading your partner’s non-verbal habits or forget how to hold a live conversation when you don’t have time to rehearse every response.

When you can’t be physically together, use video as much as is convenient. Services aren’t just limited to Skype, which can be painfully buggy. If Skype ever fails you entirely, try ooVoo, FaceTime or WhatsApp Video. Video will allow you to still see facial expressions and other major non-verbals that add more realism to your conversation.

Don’t think video means you have to just sit there talking, staring into the little webcam’s circle the whole time either. Run Skype while chatting during homework or while streaming Netflix together as it can mimic their real presence.

Otherwise, call each other. Hear their voice and their natural speech patterns. Second to last, turn to written digital formats like texting, email, or instant messaging. These things are great for when time doesn’t allow more or schedules are different. Use digital messages to send short greetings, but if you have the time, consider sending video or voice messages to their phone’s voicemail, Skype or Snapchat.

Last, but not least, write them. Send letters with things your time might limit, but aren’t time sensitive. Didn’t have time to tell them about a crazy dream you had? Write it out, sketch designs in the margins, mail it the old-fashioned, slow way. It’s a really unique and meaningful way to talk that normal couples typically don’t even think of.

Talk About Yourself

Learn and practice talking about your day. It might not seem exciting to you, but over time the knowledge that “I don’t know what he/she did at all this week…” can seem really depressing when you’re so far apart. Telling each other about your day-to-day life allows you to be apart of it.

Switch up the how of this. Use Snapchat to your heart’s content. Make vlogs. Write daily “letter" entries where you scrawl in a letter and mail it at the end of the week. Or just talk each day over dinner (or whenever works). The routine of when and how you do this provides a steady way to connect.

Talk About Hard Stuff

Far apart and far away, anything negative festers. There’s no hiding your emotions behind passive aggression, body language or avoidance. If you have an issue, talk. If you’re worried about the future, about your needs, about that girl who seems to be all over their Facebook, don’t freak out. Talk. Talk soon and talk respectively.

Effective communication requires both sides have equal time and respect to share their feelings, a safe place to do them, and equal effort to find an agreement. Sending angry text messages isn’t the way to do anything, but setting up a time to talk fully and calmly will allow both sides to talk anything out.

Focus on Yourself

This might sound counter-intuitive, but one of the major benefits of being single is often applauded to be that you can take care of yourself and focus on your own improvement, but in long distance, that’s largely the same case — but with the benefit of a cheerleader.

If you take your time apart as time to focus, to maximize your productivity, to work for that promotion —whatever it is — it can alleviate some of the stress that comes with having a significant other who’s somewhere other.

Support Why You’re Apart

Typically, long distance has a reason: school, military, saving up funds to move in together, different job locations, etc. Going hand in hand with the need to focus on yourself, focusing on your mission in being apart can remind you what all is going for you.

If you’re both focusing on working towards something, you’ll be able to cheer each other on and appreciate what successes you reach together, but also to fill your time.

Look Forward to the Future, But Live in the Now

It’s tempting, looking at that circled date on the calendar, to count down the days and rush through the time in between the now and the then, but it’s a dangerous game. It’s easy to get caught up in the waiting and forget that time is still your life.

It’s good to look forward to the future together, both visits and the point when you can move together, but rushing through the day-to-day isn’t any way to live. Instead, relish the times apart where you can finish those papers early so your visit is homework free, look forward to sending them that cartoon you’ve drawn or letter you scrawled or whatever on the day to day that excites you or moves you towards whatever that goal is.

Overall, there are a million tricks to be successful in a relationship, any relationship. There’s different sites and applications to try to connect more, activities to do together or games to play, traditions to try and everything else that builds memories together; but these four foundations are what I’ve found to be at the base of everything else for being successful in a long distance relationship.